Back Seat Anecdotes
Part Two
Suddenly, all those years of me hammering in the importance of serenity and control in the face of enemies bent on killing them trickled away.
"There," I said, pointing at the car. It was parked sullenly to our right, and smoke still drifted guiltily up from the leather inside. "Is a hole. In my car."
"It was Sasuke's fault," Naruto mumbled. I looked at him steadily for a few seconds until he started to shuffle again.
"That wasn't the chidori, was it, Sasuke?" I hissed. There was silence and in the background, I heard the swish of cars moving by us.
"No. I--modified it."
I was impressed, no doubt about it, but this was no time for Sasuke to go inventing new techniques. However impressive his chakra control had gotten over the years, this would not be the time for me to compliment him. This, I told myself again, feeling a muscle in my neck clench, Is not the time.
"There." I tried again. "Is a hole in my car."
"Yes, there is," Sakura mirrored, attempting the Calm And Steady Approach To Calming Down Angry Kakashi.
They didn't understand. They didn't understand. This wasn't my car. This was far from being my car. This was so far from being my car, it might as well have been Gai's car.
Which, I reminded myself, staring at the green exterior of the camry, It was. Gai's car, that is.
"I'm sure it still works," Naruto offered with one of his smiles. I stared blankly at him until the upward curve of his lips dribbled away into a straight line, and then into a downwards curve. He looked positively grief-stricken.
I pointed at the car again. It still hadn't stopped smoking. Sasuke's chidori-modified-attack, I realized, was very, very impressive. He didn't even look as if he'd lifted a finger. Very impressive.
"There," I reiterated. "Is a hole in the car." They stared at me. "How." I stopped. No, not how, that wasn't the question at hand. "Why." No. Not that either. "Who." Wait. I already knew that. Sasuke. "Where." I grit my teeth. I knew that one as well. In the roof. "When." Shit, I thought. I was becoming incoherent in my anger. When? Just now.
They all continued to stare at me, Sasuke now at eye-level, Naruto a few inches below. Sakura wasn't even looking at me. She had her head bowed, repenting for the sins of her teammates. She was always the level-headed one, I told myself. Don't kill her. Kill the other two.
"What," I said, deciding on the question I would finally ask them. "The fuck?"
I turned my gaze on Sasuke. He shifted from one foot to the other. One foot to the other. One foot to the other, until, finally deciding, reached balance. "There is a hole in your car's roof."
Silence. Naruto attempted a meek chuckle. I glanced at him quickly and he shifted back onto the balls of his feet.
"I put it there," Sasuke went on bravely.
"Because I provoked him," Naruto muttered. "Damn it, Sasuke, if you're going to go and be a hero, I can't just sit here and watch you do it." He scowled once at Sasuke and confessed as well. "I made him really, really angry by being loud about peeing." He blinked at my neutral stare. "Which," he added, almost to himself, "I have yet to do."
"I--" Sakura began. "I was asleep. And probably did something to worsen the situation without even knowing that I did."
Silence again. Then, all three of them spoke at once. "It was--"
"Naruto's fault," came two voices against one "Sasuke's fault."
Sasuke sent an appreciative glance in Sakura's direction. She blushed and ducked her head again. Naruto growled.
When they looked ready to launch into one of their niterteam feuds, I stepped in. With a chidori in hand.
Sasuke's eyes widened at the speed with which I had the ball of energy in full-charge, ready to fire. I stared at them, and slowly, began to toss the chakra ball up and down in the air. Every time it landed on my skin, it sent a jolt of energy up my spine.
Kill, said a voice in my head. Usually, I ignored this voice. Ignored it so thoroughly and effectively that I didn't even know that I had the voice some days. Sometimes, it was a thin whine. Sometimes, it was a booming and deep. Sometimes, it was a whisper. Either way, I thought, gripping the chakra ball a little harder. Kill.
I was more than happy to oblige.
**
One hour, twenty-three minutes, forty-six seconds later, Sasuke was on his back, breathing in quick short breaths, Naruto was pressed against the car, clutching his leg to his chest, and Sakura was still on the tree where she had taken cover at the beginning of the fight.
Steady-minded, I told myself again. It was a good thing I didn't attack her.
I pulled out the latest edition of Icha, Icha Paradise that Jiraiya had specifically mailed to me.
I made it through four pages before I heard Naruto say, a soft, soft whimper, "I need to pee."
**
I centered the car on the street again with a movement of my wrist and heard Naruto curse. "Kakashi-sensei, don't just do that without telling us before! You almost ran over my--"
"Shut up, dead-last."
"He almost ran over my foot, you bastard. At least pretend you care."
"Guys, please don't start arguing again." Sakura's voice put an end to that line of topic. A few minutes later, I shifted the page again, pressing into the reclined driver's seat.
"Ah, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura's voice was hesitant and barely carried over the noise of the car tires moving on tar. "If the car works fine, why are we pushing it?"
"It builds character," I said, peeking out of the window. I shot a smile in her direction. "A good ninja must always know how to push a car."
Her smile dribbled into something of a scowl so I waved at her before going back to my book. The drive was slow, yes, but it was worth it.
I heard Naruto curse when he stumbled.
Oh, it was worth every single second of it.
**
When seven hours later, we saw the first exit to a town, Sasuke made his way next to the driver's seat. He pressed his palm against the curve of the car and continued to push. He was sweaty by now, but there was a determined set to his shoulders.
"Today's accident," he muttered under his breath, "Better not change...our plans."
I feigned shock. "Oh, but it will, Sasuke. Where do you think we'll get the money to fix this car? Surely, you didn't expect me to pay for it out of my own pocket!"
I heard him growl. "Kakashi--" Before he could finish his threat, I cut in.
"Oh, look, a road-side inn!" Without waiting for his response, I shouted, "Naruto, watch-out for your foot, I'm taking a left!"
I twisted the car's wheel sharply and watched as Sasuke jumped into the air, out of the way before landing on the other side, at the tail of the car. In the rear-view mirror, I saw that his frown had become something akin to a look of pure, deep hatred.
Maybe, I thought, feeling a little giddy at the idea, I had become Sasuke's new Itachi.
The thrill, oh the thrill of having someone hate me with such passion. It was absolutely intoxicating.
When the three of them had pushed the car into a parking lot, I got out and stretched. "My, my," I said, ignoring them as they landed into loose, sweaty, and tired heaps on the curb. "I'm tired. Let's check in for the night."
I put a hand up to stop them from following immediately and pointed pleasantly at the trunk. "Really. You don't think that I will bring in the luggage, do you?"
Their eyes narrowed, but one by one, they pulled out all the bags until the trunk was empty. Carefully--Naruto was limping slightly--, they followed me into the inn and waited a the desk as I rang the bell. A few minutes later, a buxom woman of fifty came out, her hair tied back with a bandanna. "Late travelers, eh?" She looked slightly irked at having been woken up at such a late hour, but went about getting our room ready.
"What will it be then?" She held her pen ready over her computer keyboard. "Four? Three? Two?"
I shook my head amiably. "One, please. And, if in the morning, you could have ready directions to a nearby car repair shop?"
I heard Sakura's whine. "Kakashi-sensei, I can't sleep in a room with...with..." She trailed off, blushing when I turned to her. Behind me, I heard the woman typing away.
"Of course you can, Sakura. I'll take the bed. You'll take the couch--" I turned to the woman, and asked, "There is a couch?" She nodded. "You'll take the couch," I continued, looking back at Sakura, "And the boys here," I indicated them, "Will take the floor."
"I'll send up a futon," the woman said, handing a key to me. "Enjoy your stay."
I took the key and motioned for everyone to follow, half-expecting Sakura to start complaining again. She did, but not for the reason I thought she would.
"How come you get the bed, Kakashi-sensei?"
"Because."
"Not fair," she said, huffing. I got into the elevator and watched as the rest of them did as well.
"Yes fair."
"Not fair," she said again, petulant, but shut up when I turned to smile at her.
When, after having gotten ready for bed--Naruto dove into the bathroom first and spent a good half-an-hour in there before he came out, wet, with a towel on, and a grin when Sakura shrieked and turned away--I caught Sasuke in a corner of the room. "I noticed your...curiosity," I began, "At Naruto's exit from the bathroom. For all our sake. Don't do anything too risque, Sasuke."
"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said, shifting in her couch, "Please, can you turn off the light now?"
"Of course, Sakura," I said, sitting down on the bed and watching as Sasuke's face twisted into something caught between uncontrollable desire and anger.
"I'll try," he bit out and padded his way over to the futon where Naruto already was. He carefully eased in at the other end of the futon, maintaining maximum distance between him and Naruto.
I turned off the light, returned Sakura's and Naruto's "Good night" before slipping under the covers, waiting, patiently, for what I knew would happen.
It happened.
"Damnit, dead-last." A hiss.
"It's cold."
"You have the blanket, don't you?"
In a heated whisper, "It's not enough, Sasuke. Would it kill you to share some warmth here?"
"With you? Yes."
"What--"
"Shh."
"Fine. What are you trying to say, huh, Sasuke?"
"I'm saying--"
"Shhh!"
"I'm saying, dead-last, that I don't want to be near you."
"It can't be that bad."
"It is."
"I showered! I'm still wet, too! How can it be--"
"You shit head, shh."
"How can it be bad?." A sniff. "I even smell good. Like soap."
Silence.
"You don't smell like soap."
"Yah. I do."
"No, you don't."
"Then what do I smell like?"
"This is so beneath me--"
"What do I smell like?!"
A heaved sigh. Rustling of sheet. A tentative sniff. "Strawberries."
"The soap was strawberry flavored, Sasuke."
"I thought you meant soap as in, you know, non-smelly soap."
"Well, I didn't. And soap isn't smelly. It's aromatic."
Silence again. More rustling of sheets. "Naruto." A warning, a growl, more rustling. "I mean it."
"Shut up. I'm cold still. You're an ice-block yourself."
"Stop. It." A muffle. And then, "You're draping yourself over me!"
"Shh. And I'm not draping. You're the one whose sitting here like a rod and not moving. How else am I supposed to warm you?"
A burst of movement, a lot of rustling, and then, silence. "Now you're on me."
"I don't like weights on my chest." I fought down a snigger. No doubt, he meant, I don't like being on the bottom.
"You think I do?"
"Shut up, dead-last."
Silence. "I hate you, you stupid bastard."
Silence again, and finally. "Stop moving."
"I'm not moving, Sasuke."
"Yes, you were."
"Fine. Whatever."
Everything in the room stilled after that, and when I heard Naruto's breathing match with Sakura's, and finally--this surprised me--Sasuke's breathing as well (he snored a little; I made my mind to use that against him in the future), I turned over onto my side, let my eyes flutter close, and fell asleep.
**
"You were attacking him," Sakura hissed, kunai in hand. Sasuke blinked lazily at her. Naruto got into a defensive position.
"He was on top of me," Naruto countered. "Why am I the one attacking him?"
I smiled behind the cover of my book. "I think," I said, shifting on the bed to make myself more comfortable, "Sakura means 'attack' in the sense of 'seduce.'"
Naruto huffed, and immediately retorted, "But he was on top of me."
Silence. I snapped my book shut and smiled politely at Sasuke, who returned my stare. "Exactly, Naruto. He was on top of you. Because you seduced him."
Naruto took a moment to process what I said before he blushed full-force. "It wasn't--I was just--Nothing--" He trailed off and shot a glare at Sasuke. "We were just trying to warm each other up, that's all."
Sakura lunged at Naruto after that statement, and I saw the scuffle with mild interest. She was vicious, I decided, when defending what she thought was hers.
After waiting for an appropriate amount of time (actually, after I saw Naruto come dangerously close to the bed lamp), I broke them apart and ushered them downstairs for breakfast. Nobody talked for a long time, and Sakura watched, her eyes shifting from one emotion to the next, as Naruto and Sasuke ate side by side.
When Sasuke's eyes shifted to Naruto's bowl of cereal, there was a pause, and then, rolling his eyes, Naruto moved it closer to Sasuke, who took it without a word and dug in.
"It's entirely too homoerotic," Sakura said, watching Sasuke eat Naruto's cereal. She had a contemplative gleam in her eyes, one that made me put down my book slowly and Sasuke raise his head cautiously from his cereal.
"What is?" Naruto said, sipping at his coffee with a disinterested frown.
"Your relationship with Sasuke," Sakura said. "Too homoerotic."
Naruto scoffed, and raised his coffee for another sip. Sakura leaned forward, and grinned, a little wickedly (too wickedly, I thought). "Are you two sleeping with each other?"
The coffee came spurting out, and landed neatly on the cover of my book. I considered, momentarily, that I should retaliate at the act of vandalism, but thought against it when I saw the look on Sasuke's face.
Pure gold, it was, that look. Pure gold.
"Oh, Sasuke's not that lucky," I mumbled under my breath, but froze when Sakura's head whipped around to look at me.
Her grin grew wider. "Oh." That single syllable held so much knowledge, intuition, and perception that it made me well with pride. This girl here--no, I thought, woman--was my student. She would be the one to whom I would pass the baton.
"Kakashi-sensei, do you want to go with me to get some more coffee?" Sakura asked sweetly, standing up.
"Of course, Sakura. I'd be delighted."
We left, and as we walked away, I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Naruto and Sasuke were still frozen in place. "I promised Sasuke," I said, at the counter, "To let him have a room to himself. With Naruto."
"Oh." She wasn't disappointed. If anything, she seemed slightly excited.
"It didn't happen, of course, what with the hole in the car, and all. We'll be staying here till it's fixed."
"Oh."
"What do you think," I said, after a while, "If we let Sasuke and Naruto stay here while we check out some of the car repair shops in town?"
"Must we leave?" Sakura said, looking up. She held her coffee with one hand and gestured at the boys with the other. "I mean, Kakashi-sensei," she paraphrased, "We can't just miss this unfold, can we?"
I stared at her.
"It will be entertaining. Worth its time in gold when we get back to Konoha."
I kept staring at her, my mind slowly moving at this information.
"Even better," she said, leaning against the counter of the coffee shop. "If we get some hard evidence..." She trailed off, and seeing that my interest had perked up, added, "Say, a video tape. Imagine some people in Konoha would pay for something like that."
The pride inside me welled up again. "You've matured, Sakura."
She grinned. "I've learned from the best, after all."
We shook hands a split-second after that, deciding that it would be best if we split it 60-40. I was the one with the information first, after all, so I got to reap a bit more of the rewards.
"It's a deal."
"Deal," I echoed and felt her fingers tighten around mine.
"What say you to a little car-roof and camera shopping, Kakashi-sensei?"
"No objections what so ever," I said. We turned to stare at the two boys--still frozen--at the table. "None."
End of Part Two