Back seat Anecdotes
Part Three
"You sure this will work?" I didn't look away from the two men slowly circling the car. Next to me, Sakura shifted on her perch in the trees. It had taken us a while, but finally, we managed to get a mere twenty-five feet away from the two of them without being noticed.
"I'm sure, Kakashi-sensei. I'm sure."
I wrinkled my nose and sat back against the tree. "If all goes according to plan..."
"I'm estimating profits from around two to three thousand. You?"
I had estimated much, much less. But then again, I didn't know our customers as well as Sakura did. She had made a few calls when we left the hotel room, bickered with the person on the other line, and finally came out with a triumphant smile on her face. Apparently, Sasuke's fan-club was not too surprised or disappointed with this new information. In fact, they were willing to pay for it.
It didn't take us long to find the camera that Sakura had in mind, and then, together, we walked back to where Sasuke and Naruto were supposed to be washing the car.
"It's one of the oldest tricks. It can't go wrong. I mean, if Sasuke's lusting after Naruto like you said. And besides," Sakura had explained right before we went back to our seats at the breakfast table, "Car washing involves half the kinks out there in the world. No joke."
I had been surprised at the extent of her knowledge, to be sure, but was careful to conceal it. A few years ago, I made a note in my mind to not underestimate Sakura; now, it was paying off.
Naruto's and Sasuke's expressions had not changed an iota when I droned out orders for the day: Sasuke and Naruto would stay back and wash the car as further punishment, Sakura and I would go and look around for good mechanics and see if we could get in touch with Konoha for a transferral of more money for the trip.
Sakura shifted as well, and brought up the camera. "Here we go," she mumbled under her breath, and I saw her press the red button.
Sasuke and Naruto circled the car a few more times--how long, I wondered. Would one of them just roll up his sleeves and get to work?
The mike that Sakura had hid in the car crackled a few times and then, we heard noise. "Sasuke..."
"What?" Sasuke snapped.
In the distance, they both had paused on opposite sides of the car and were staring at each other over the roof.
Naruto flared up, and I saw him put his hands on his waist. "Geez! Can't you be civil with me for once in your stupid life?"
"Fine." A pause. "What?" He asked again, quieter now.
"We shouldn't get all weird on each other," Naruto began. Sakura and I looked at each other with growing dread. "Just because Sakura thinks that we're sleeping with each other--" He cut himself off, and then a little under his breath commented, "Which, I guess we are. I mean, you were on top of me all last night. You snore, by the way."
"Shut up. You're making this worse."
"Well, anyways. I'm saying we shouldn't get all weird on each other. I'm sure plenty of guys have a close relationship like we--"
"Oh, spare me, please," Sasuke hissed out. I saw him take off his shirt in one vicious motion and move towards the buckets of water that had been placed around the car. The owner of the inn had stared a little strangely when I had made the request for water, soap, and a secluded area, but provided me with all three.
Naruto stood still and watched Sasuke move towards one of the buckets, pick it up and walk back towards him. Without any warning, Sasuke shoved the bucket into Naruto's hands and handed him soap. "Get to work. Kakashi will be back soon enough."
The other boy took the bucket with a low growl, put it down on the floor and began to undress as well, peeling off his hooded sweatshirt first. I leaned towards Sakura and whispered, "Zoom in on Sasuke's face now."
She did.
I glanced over her shoulder and smirked. Picture perfect, Sasuke was. He had his eyes honed in on Naruto with the same intensity as he might consider a new technique or an unfamiliar enemy. "That's kind of hot," Sakura muttered, holding the camera steady. I chuckled a little, deciding at that instant: Sakura would be my prodigy.
A few minutes later, when Naruto turned around to face Sasuke with a scowl, Sasuke looked away and began soaping down the car. Naruto joined, and sighing, Sakura turned off the camera and sat back. "We'll have to wait," she said, wrinkling her nose with annoyance. "Until something happens."
"Fine by me," I muttered and pulled out a copy of Icha, Icha Paradise that artfully concealed jutsu descriptions--Jiraiya had embedded them for me, saying he saw something very interesting and would like to see if I could mimic it for him. "There's a rule," I said, skimming the introductory paragraph that Jiraiya wrote with a few illustrations, "That says that I'm not allowed to exploit students."
"That's okay," Sakura brushed off. "Sasuke and Naruto are just too easy to exploit to say no. Is that--" She was looking over my shoulder before I could pull away and her eyes widened. "That isn't porn! That's Ninja techniques!" She grinned at me. "Wow, Kakashi-sensei. You're so much cooler now."
I shifted away from her, slightly annoyed that she had moved so quickly. But then again, we were a few centimeters away from each other. "I wasn't cool before?" I tried to sound hurt.
Sakura left me in peace for the next ten minutes, and by then, I had already gotten through the majority of Jiraiya's write-up. It was only when Sakura shifted, growled, and mumbled, "They're done" that I looked up.
And true to her word, they were done. Cleaning the car, that is. Sasuke looked impassive as always, Naruto looked wet, the car looked clean, but they were done.
I jumped down onto the ground and heard Sakura follow a split-second later. I would have to teach her to be a little quieter, I thought, and tucked away my book. "Maybe," Sakura said, as we picked our way towards the main street and away from the car, "You should have asked them to wax the car too."
**
"This isn't working," Sakura said, pacing. She was punching her fist into her palm at a regular interval. I stared at her, slightly impressed by her determination. "I just got a call from Konoha saying that we've got an entire audience lined up. I mean, we're not talking two or three thousand anymore. We're talking five or more thousand."
I whistled at that amount. My share of that was almost as good as a B-rank or short A-rank mission.
"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura whined, flopping into the seat across from me. She glared at the two boys who were lounging around the gift shop. We were three days into our vacation now. Had, in fact, gotten the car fixed and kept traveling towards our original destination.
Sakura had dragged me bodily towards a table a ways off from the gift shop with a scowl on her face. "Can't we do something drastic?"
I turned to watch Sasuke who had his hands in his pockets and watched as Naruto fumbled around a display of small key chains and postcards. He was indulging Naruto who insisted on getting souvenirs for friends back at home.
"Well," I began. "We could...Close the distance between them in the car."
Sakura considered and grinned. "Stay right here, Kakashi-sensei." She shot to her feet and ran into the gift shop, past the two boys. A few minutes later, she came back with an oversize pink pig and patted it fondly. The two boys followed, eyes wide at what she was carrying.
Smirking at me, Sakura put the pig down on the floor. It was almost life-size. A little bigger, even. "The Hokage would probably appreciate it," she said.
"But, Sakura," I said, innocent. "Where are we going to put it?"
"Oh, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said. Her voice was sugared and entirely false in its pitch. But neither one of the boys noticed. "In the backseat, of course."
"How silly of me," I countered. "Where else would we put it."
"But not in the middle," Sakura said. "It would block your view in the rear view mirror."
"How considerate of you, Sakura," I said, getting up. I smiled behind the mask. She was just too good, sometimes, even for me. "We'll make Naruto sit in the middle, then."
"What? I'm not sitting next to him!" Naruto pointed angrily at Sasuke who looked away with a scowl on his face.
"Yes, you are, Naruto," Sakura said, ushering the two of them out of the building and towards the car. I picked up the pig and followed. Of all things...
When I reached the car, Sakura was already manhandling Sasuke into the backseat--he didn't protest much, I noticed with a smile--and then, Naruto, who, to his credit, put up a good fight. But Sakura won in the end (she was also vicious, I realized, when profit was involved), and I quickly shoved the pig in after Naruto before shutting the door.
I looked at Sakura, who looked back, and in that moment, I felt a certain bond strenghtening between us. Sakura grinned. "It's the romance of the pig, Kakashi-sensei. Together, we will rule the world."
I smirked at her, and when she held up her hand for a high five, and I gave it while walking past her and towards my seat.
Sakura got in and buckled herself up a few seconds after I did. "What was that about?" Naruto muttered, leaning forward. He looked from me to Sakura and then back again.
"Sakura is a dear student of mine, Naruto," I said, putting the car in reverse.
"Yeah, Naruto."
Naruto grumbled but sat back into his seat. I looked over my shoulder to ease the car out of the parking lot and saw the pig's head, cheerful and a splash of pink, next to Naruto.
When we had hit the highway again, I checked in my rear view mirror and saw that Sasuke was looking pointedly out of the car. I glanced at Sakura, who taking my cue, slowly opened the dashboard and took out the camera. She placed it in her lap, covered it with her hitai-ate so that only the lens were looking out, reclined her seat for better angle, and dozed.
I suppressed a chuckle. Deception was also Sakura's forte, it seemed.
We drove in silence for a solid twenty minutes when Sasuke's hiss snapped my gaze away from the road momentarily to the rear view mirror. "Naruto."
Naruto was pressing into Sasuke. "It's creeping me out, Sasuke. I swear."
"It's a pig, damnit. You've seen worse."
"It's huge!"
"Well you hang out with toads. I don't see how this is any--"
"Says the person who has snakes all over him."
"They're not all over me," Sasuke mumbled. I turned my head slightly and saw that Sakura, was, in fact, awake.
"Well, scooch."
"I'm scooching."
"Not enough!" I heard a thwap, and then, Naruto said again, "More!"
"You want me to get out of the car, dead-last?"
"You know what, Sasuke?" There was a challenge in his voice. I felt something akin to deja vu and pulled the car to the right most lane. We were only half an hour away from the hot baths. If they could just refrain from blowing up some part of the car before we go there...
"What?"
"You look petite. But you're actually not. You're huge."
"I'm not the one who's petite. You are."
"Am not."
"You're three inches shorter than me, Naruto. And a couple inches narrower."
A pause. "Oh. Really?"
"Yes."
"How do you know that?"
"Because"--a growl--"I have these things called eyes, which, unlike some people, I use on a regular basis."
"And you stare at me, Sasuke."
"I do not--"
"Yes you do. I'm not stupid, you know. I happen to be a ninja."
"Well, you're a fool of a ninja, because I don't stare."
"Yes you do."
"Well, even if I do stare--" A thwap, some scuffling. I looked in the mirror and saw that Sasuke was pushing Naruto bodily against the pig, looming, almost. Their belts had been undone sometime during the scuffle. "It's because you draw unnecessary attention to yourself."
"At least you're looking," Naruto hissed back. He pressed back against the pig, and Sasuke placed a hand on Sakura's reclined seat to hold himself a few centimeters from Naruto's face. I hoped--no, prayed--that Sakura was getting all this on the camera.
"Don't take it as a compliment, dead-last," Sasuke hissed. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Naruto fist Sasuke's shirt in his hand and pull him down.
"Well, I will take it as a compliment, bastard."
I took the exit--ten more minutes, I thought. Please don't blow up the roof--and then a right onto a small, narrow road.
"Trust me, Naruto, you're not a pretty sight."
"Well, I've been told I am," Naruto retorted, pushing Sasuke away a little. It didn't work because Sasuke pushed back down.
"Who?" He hissed. I felt the temperature in the car drop a few degrees. So Sasuke was a little possessive, I told myself. Should warn other people of that in the future. Possessive.
"People," Naruto teased. "Nice people who can hold a simple conversation without ruining it."
"Who?" Sasuke demanded again. The temperature dropped again, and I shivered, taking a right through the large, traditional entrance gates. We were at the foot of a mountain. An old, old, old volcano, in fact. As we drove up the lane leading to the large mansion-like hotel, I saw the mountain loom over us.
"Well, for one thing, Gaara," Naruto listed off. I glanced in the mirror again and saw that he was counting on his fingers. "Neji. Once Temari. Oh, and Ino. Tenten, Tsunade, Jiraiya, once, let's see..."
With each name, there was a crackle of chakra in the air, and a chill. I took a deep breath, and then, before Naruto could go any further, put in, "We're here!"
Sakura shot up, awake, and fumbled with her hitai-ate. I turned around in my seat and saw Naruto and Sasuke straighten into their seats again, Sasuke with a murderous gaze.
When I met his gaze, he narrowed his eyes. It was the "I will kill you" version.
I couldn't help but grin. When I passed Sasuke up the stairs to our rooms, I mumbled in his ear, low enough so that only he could hear me, "Better hurry up, Sasuke. Seems like you have competition."
**
"This is out of my league," Sakura said, putting the video camera in front of me with a click. "I can't get them to do anything. They just keep bickering."
I sighed. All right, then. Time for the master to step in. I pushed the camera back towards her. "Get this in the hot springs. The one that we used last night."
She shook her head, "I already trie--"
"Just do it, Sakura. Trust me."
She huffed, but left without another comment. I stretched and felt the muscles in my back strain. Slowly, I picked my way to Naruto's room and knocked once before I heard a sullen "come in."
"Naruto! What's wrong? You're not enjoying yourself?"
He sat down heavily on the bed. "I hate him."
"I know you do. Now," I said, "To make it up to you, I reserved the hot spring just for you tonight."
He perked up. "Really? Not the entire team?"
"Nope. Just you."
He considered, and a little hesitantly, offered me a grin. "Thanks, Kakashi-sensei."
I held the door open long enough to say a "you're welcome" before closing it. True, I felt a little guilty, but heck, I thought, cracking my knuckles, there was money involved.
**
"Just go in," I said, pushing Sasuke through the hall ways, "And enjoy. Just you."
Sasuke had been hesitant at first, but grudgingly accepted my offer of an empty hot spring room.
"Fine, then," he mumbled at the door that lead outside. He paused for a second before wrenching it open and closing it behind him. I stood back, dusting my hands. Perfect. Naruto was already in there--
I turned around to go back to my room when I saw Sakura hurrying towards me, camera in hand. "I'm so sorry!" She made vague motions with her hands. "I didn't get a chance all day and are they already in there..."
I growled. "Sakura--"
We both stared at the door. It was surprisingly quiet for the two of them, and finally, voices. Hushed, hurried voices. Hesitantly, we pressed our ears against the shoji screen door. More hurried voices, two different kinds--a tenor and a bass.
Splashing of water, and a surprised cry, a "Sasuke!" and then, the patter of footsteps.
I leaned back and away from the door, and Sakura followed. She looked down at the screen of her camera, that was already rolling and then up at me. We stared at each other for a few seconds before turning.
Sakura and I began to walk away from the door. "Maybe," I began, "It's a one-sided thing."
She considered. "Maybe. I have to call off all the arrangements being made in--"
She was cut off by a loud ripping sound. We turned around at the same time, Sakura's camera already coming up.
The screen door was ripped off and crashed with the corridor on the other side. A split-second later, Naruto and Sasuke came stumbling out. They were, I realized with a slight chuckle, eating each other's tongues. They fell back against the corridor wall, Naruto with his back pressed against the wood. Sasuke seemed intent on bulldozing him through the wall. Naruto had one hand buried deep in Sasuke's hair and was pulling him down towards him, clawing at Sasuke's back with the other. Sasuke's hands were half inside Naruto's bathrobe.
A loud, loud, loud moan from Naruto, and then, he whispered something in Sasuke's ear. The two of them fumbled open another door--this time, they refrained from kicking it down--and disappeared in. The door slid shut, and then, more noise from inside.
Sakura and I stood still for a long time afterwards.
"Erm..." Sakura began. Then, "Guess it's not a one-sided thing."
"Did you get that?"
Sakura looked at her camera screen. "Yeah. I think--"
Another loud moan, and then, steady thumping. That was, I realized, a bed against a wall.
I didn't know if I should move or not. On the one hand, there was a crowd forming already from all the noise. On the other, there was the fact that Sakura looked to be in deep shock. So maybe she wasn't prepared for something on this level yet.
I should have warned her.
The thumping took on a steady rhythm. I heard loud, wanton, throaty moans coming from the room, in sync with the rhythm of the thumping. A woman who had come out of her room gasped, and covered her mouth with her hand. I waved amiably at her, and blushing, she disappeared quickly back inside her room.
More thumping--I moved to attend to Sakura, sincerely concerned now--more moaning, and then, the "yes"s began, a split-second before each snap of the bed against the wall. It was Naruto, almost screaming, but not quiet. More like moaning really loudly.
I put my hand on Sakura's shoulder, and her eyes widened even more. I took my hand away. Maybe not.
I opened my mouth to say something, and then shut it close when Sasuke joined in and began grunting out curses. I looked down the hallway and saw that more people had gathered.
Not good.
More grunting and cursing, more "yes"s and moaning, still more thumping that sped up to a faster more erratic rate, and then, a loud crash, a loud moan, and then silence.
I looked at Sakura again. She was still frozen. I looked at the other vacationers. Also frozen. I, it seemed, was the only one capable of functioning at any level at this point.
Sighing, I made my way to the room. Being their teacher and all, I realized, scowling at the door to the room (not their room, just a room they stumbled into), it was my duty to make sure they hadn't killed each other.
"You alive in there?"
Sasuke was the first to answer. "Oh, gods, yes."
Fairly expressive an answer for someone like him. "You, Naruto?"
"Yes." As an aftermath, "Sore."
I rolled my eyes. Of course. Knowing Sasuke's impatience, preparation was probably a far, alien concept. "You'll be fine in a day or two. What was that crash?"
"Erm..." Naruto trailed off.
"The bed broke," Sasuke answered.
"You're paying," I bit out. They would drill a hole in my pocket by the time this vacation was over.
"It was Sasuke's fault," Naruto whined, but then, "Fine, we'll pay."
"Is the wall in one piece?" I asked, remembering that there might have been a crash at the end, but all that thumping--
From behind the door, I heard shuffling, and then, "Um..."
"No," Sasuke said, a little petulantly. "A crack. Big crack."
I threw up my hands. "You're--"
"We know. Paying."
I growled at the door. "Idiots," I muttered, and then raising my voice, "The people who actually rented this room will be wanting it back soon. Get yourselves together and go down to talk to the manager."
"Right," Naruto responded.
"And Sasuke?"
"What?"
I gave a pause for dramatic effect, and then, "You owe me."
End of Part Three