The bridge I crossed
The Twelfth
Work, I decided, was the best way to get over this. So I sat up shop in the kitchen, music playing softly, in khakhis and a hooded sweatshirt, eating pistachios. Two hours into my work--after everyone on the network found me online and introduced themselves to me--I got a message from Lee asking me if I could please look over one of the articles, his hand was cramping up. And if Lee had admitted something like that, it didn't take much for me to guess that he must ahve been in severe pain. I replied quickly, saying that I was on it, and yes, I could meet the deadline, please rest.
A minute and a half later, while I waited for the printer to reboot and print the article, he replied with a big thank you in large green letters. I smiled and got up to make myself some coffee. The article had downloaded onto my desktop and when it opened, I stared blankly at the jumble of words.
There was a headache starting to pulse in the space between my eyes. An entire week of sleep, and I'd never felt this tired before. I steeled myself for the article, all 600 words of it, and began.
When I glanced at the title--"Wedding Plans Underway"--I didn't pay much attention. It wasn't until I read the first two words "JIXI, China--" that my mind came to a screeching halt.
Uchiha Sasuke, I read against the throb in my head, and made a correction in sentence structure. I made my way, slowly, carefully through the article, filtering all the thoughts clammoring in my head, until I was satisfied with the result. It was 4:09 when I finished and sent Lee an email. I'd done nearly seven articles in the past two hours, but this one would be the last.
I closed my eyes against the glare of the computer screen, and felt ghost fingers over my cheek. I had slept with Kakashi, and already, I had forgotten the sensations. But Sasuke. "He's getting married," I said to the empty room. And repeated it until I could hear the sentence ricocheting off the walls, a reminder.
Lee's response was quick to come, a delighted, "Perfect!" I responded with a "I'm glad. Sorry if it's still a little rough on the edges."
I folded the laptop screen shut, and in the silence of the apartment, found my way to the comfort of my bed.
*
When I woke up, the TV in the living room was on, and I heard low murmurs. The watch on the side of my bed said it was only 7:30, the same day as it was when I fell asleep a few hours ago. I felt rested, true, but a part of me wondered if I would ever feel truly at peace again.
Shikamaru was the first person I saw, watching the news with a glass of water in his hand. He heard me coming and turned around, a small smile on his lips. "I was afraid," he said, "That you might not wake up."
I laughed at this--how long before people stopped worrying about that--and shook my head, moving to sit next to him. I sighed, closed my eyes, and felt Shikamaru's hand against my forehead. "You look pale," he said softly. "You all right?"
"Yeah. Just tired."
"Iruka called to say he reached safely."
"Yeah?"
"I told him you were napping, and he almost blew a fuse about you living alone, but since you're awake..." I laughed, imagining Iruka's concern, a few hundred miles away. Shikamaru is here, I told myself, so nothing could go wrong. And in the kitchen, I was sure Kiba was cooking something. I could smell something burning.
"I'm still thinking about moving in with you, Shikamaru."
Shikamaru chuckled, and elbowed me ligthly. "I'd kick you out. Before you even stepped in."
"We'll see about that," I said and turned so I could get a better look of him. I was about to say something challenging, when I heard a loud clanging and laughter in the kitchen. A woman's laugh. I snapped awake, and got up to see Hinata's face flushed with a smile, and Kiba holding up a pot apologetically. "Sorry, Naruto."
"Hinata!" I felt Shikamaru stand next to me. "And Kiba! That's my kitchenware, for gods' sake, please be careful."
Kiba nodded, snapping to attention as if a soldier. "Yessir," he said, slurrings his words. Hinata laughed again, and I saw Kiba turn to her, a small blush on his cheeks. He smiled at her, a little unsteadily, but still genuinely happy, and I thought, I know that look, and then it dawned on me. Oh.
"Shameless bastard," Shikamaru mumbled into my ear. "A pretty girl comes in, and he's a changed man."
Shikamaru had an approving smile on his face, indulgent slightly. "You are such a mother, Shika."
Hinata was looking at me when I turned back to face the two in the kitchen, her smile disappearing. "Naruto."
"It's good to see you again Hinata."
"You look worn out," Hinata said, walking out of the kitchen and coming to join us at the living room.
"It's nothing," I said, ready with a lie. "I just caught something last wee--"
"A coma?" She tilted her head, and her black hair slipped off her shoulders. I glanced at Kiba to see what he thought of this and saw that he was a lost man, not even aware that there was a conversation going on.
"Kakashi told you."
"No, Sakura did."
"Oh." I shifted nervously. "Well, then. Who doesn't know?"
"Well, Aunt Wazuka, for one," she explained taking a seat. Shikamaru and I followed suit. I glanced at Kiba, motioned for him to join us.
"Why not Wazuka?" I asked, surprised. If anyone would know, it would be Wazu--
"Kakashi protects the Uchiha family, Naruto," Hinata explained, her voice soft, but still commanding silence. "That includes Aunt Wazuka. She liked you, and don't think that just because she's blind, she doesn't know what is happening between you and Sasuke."
I blushed under her pearly blue scrutiny. "There's nothing going on--"
"Sasuke is my cousin," Hinata said, cutting me off. "My brother. We grew up together. He took care of me when I was younger, so I know him. Maybe not as well as you, but I know him."
I looked away and stared instead at the black of Shikamaru's pants. "We haven't. Nothing happened between us," I said, and bit off the rest of my confession: Except for one kiss. Just once.
"I don't doubt that," Hinata said. "You're kind to Sakura."
I felt guilt rising like bile again at the back of my throat and swallowed hard. "Why are you here, Hinata? You asked me to leave, I left." I couldn't help the anger that crept into my voice. I was justified, too. She told me to leave, and I had. And now, I had left him, had really left him, we said our goodbyes only a few hours ago. What more could she ask of me?
"I wanted to invite you and your friends to the wedding," Hinata said quietly. I felt my chest constrict at her request.
"No," I said before either Shikamaru or Kiba could answer for us. It was rude, yes, but not this. "No. We won't come."
Shikamaru shifted a little next to me. "Please, Sakura and Aunt Wazuka would appreciate it if you--"
I thought, I'm in love. I told myself, You are in love, let the word sink in, let it sink in as heavily as if Jiraiya were saying it in his gruff, old man's voice. And Hinata wanted me to come and watch him get married to someone else.
"--The family has come to accept you as Sasuke's friend, someone who he can call a friend, please--"
Love, I thought and felt a part of me stir. Haku had said that to me five, six years ago. Said to me, I love him, and I said to Haku...I winced at the memory, winced at the memory of Haku's hurt eyes.
What goes around comes around, Zabuza had said, the first and last day I visited him in jail. And so it goes, I told myself. I closed my eyes against Hinata's pleas, remembered Zabuza's face as I threw at him the one secret Haku ever trusted me with. He loves you, I seethed, Loves you. I flung it at him, like a curse, used it as a weapon, saw the weakness in Zabuza's eyes, saw his weakness harden and fold into anger against me. And then, I had walked away to sulk in the apartment above the night club until one day, Zabuza had come back.
"--it would be an honor to us if you could come. We'd be so grateful--"
He had come back, and Haku had walked in, saying, I love him, and you hate me for it because you can't do the same.
"--ji and I are cousins and although we never agree on anything, we do agree that--"
I had said to him, You love him, you sick, twisted animal, you love a murderer and a manipulator. I had said that, relished in Haku's tears, felt empowered when Haku crumbled to the floor, broken as I had never seen him broken before, and I continued my litany of epithets of Zabuza. Called him so many, many things.
"--the wedding preparations as well. You've met the family, so we would be--"
What goes around comes around, Zabuza had said, slumped against the cold gray of the prison cell. What goes around comes around. I love him, Haku had told me, and I love you and I can't tell, Haku had confessed, who I love more.
"--Sasuke would be at peace as well, I think. I don't know him very well as a cousin, but Neji does--"
And then, I had turned around, and...there was a sting in my eyes as I remembered the words I said, so carelessly, as if they didn't mean anything. When in fact, words were the most powerful, powerful things of all. I had said, No, This isn't love that you feel. You, Haku, I had said, are nothing more than a dog in heat waiting for the master to treat you to something good.
"--and Neji says that it would be better if you showed that you had moved on--"
What goes around comes around, Zabuza had said, and when I left that day, angry still, but lost with what to do next, I saw--I closed my eyes against the memory and felt the sting in my eyes heighten--Haku come out of that corridor holding a mug of tea, fresh, fresh, fresh as the mornings that I couldn't bring myself to trust. I saw Zabuza in his chair, leaning back, anger in his eyes, heard him say, Bridge-Burner.
"--Sasuke would be able to move on as well with Sakura by his side. A forgive and forget--"
And all I had wanted to say that day to Haku, and today, to Sasuke, was, I love you, and I love you so much, I can't tell if it's love anymore or if it's just me. If it's love or if it's just me breathing and not being able to stop.
"--the wedding would go so much more smoothly if you came--"
What goes around comes around, Zabuza had said, and I had not believed him then. And now, with Sasuke's fingers still branded into my skin, his lips still pressing against mine, I could almost feel the burning of my tattoo into my skin.
"--so please, Naruto, please come to the wedding with your friends. Kiba said that--"
And all I wanted to say to Sasuke, all I had said to Sasuke in my dream, I realized with a start, was, I love you, and I don't know if I can ever stop. If I can ever--I opened my eyes to Hinata's words, felt my eyes cloud with tears, felt Shikamary shift, felt Kiba murmur my name--ever, ever, ever stop.
"You can't do this to me," I said, looking up at Hinata, seeing her blurred. "You people can't. I gave him up," I said, ignoring Hinata's startled look, ignoring my broken voice, "I gave him up. I can't give up anything more. I have nothing more to. To. Please."
I shrugged off Shikamaru's hand on my shoulder, wiping angrily at my face. There was silence in the room, and I saw Hinata's eyes soften a little before she nodded once before getting up to leave.
"We can be selfish sometimes, can't we?" she said standing outside the door. "It was for good PR to have you there, but none of us actually considered your feelings in the matter. I apologize." I wanted to say, yes, you're selfish, but then again, I was in no position to criticize her. She'd come to me with a simple request and I had turned it down. Hinata said goodbye to me once, nodded at Shikamaru and held Kiba's gaze with a soft smile on her face before leaving.
I took in a deep breath once she left. "Kiba. Shikamaru," I said, looking at them for a second, "You can go if you'd like."
Kiba snorted. "Like we would ever do that."
Shikamaru shook his head as well. "We'll celebrate," he said, leaning back a little into his seat, "We'll get drunk."
"I'm for it," Kiba added quickly, a broad grin on his face.
"As long as I don't have work the next day," I said, and heard Shikamaru chuckle.
"You know, Kiba," I said, finally finding my voice again, "I could probably get Hinata's number for you."
Kiba blushed a deep shade of red, muttered something about dinner, and made a hasty exit. Left alone with Shikamaru again, I saw him consider me for a while before he patted the seat next to him. I took it, wondering what he had in mind when he mumbled a "come here" and pulled me into a hug.
I clutched at his shirt and relaxed against him. "You're in love, idiot," Shikamaru said into my hair and I nodded against his chest. "You can't screw up worse than that. How am I going to explain this to Iruka?"
"I know," I mumbled. There was Shikamaru here and Kiba in the kitchen burning our dinner, and a future.
He patted me on my back, and after a while muttered to himself, "So goddamn troublesome, sometimes."
I smiled at that. Troublesome was a good word for it.
"I know."
*
The next day, Shikamaru came to knock on my door, a frown on his face, with Kiba behind him still half-asleep. "Ready?"
"Yep," I said, closing the door behind me. Behind me, Shikamaru was already grumbling under his breath about how Kiba and I were likely to make this a habit, and would probably not even have the decency to pay for the gas. "Come on, Shika," I said, threading my hand into his and laughing at his twitch. "You know you want to be my knight in shining armor and carry me off to--"
"You are really gay, do you know that?" Shikamaru interrupted, staring at me with a frown. "I mean, really--"
"I know," I said, batting my eyelashes at him. "Men can't resist my charm."
Shikamaru's face twisted into something resembling a scowl. "Is this how gay people flirt with each other?"
Behind us Kiba fumbled with the car door and fell face forward into the back seat. I closed the door behind him, tucking in his feet so that they weren't sticking out of the car. He had at least half an hour of rest before we reached the office, anyways. "No," I said, getting into my own seat next to Shikamaru. I watched him fumble with the heat, the rear-view mirror, and then his seat belt. "We skip right over the flirting and get to the good stuff. It's actually, very straight-forward and manly."
"Oh, god," Shikamaru groaned and pulled out of the parking lot. "Please don't tell me--"
"It goes something like this," I continued, relishing Shikamaru's embarassed noises. "Guy A sees Guy B, who he instantly likes, because Guy B is putting all the fun in leather pants. So, Guy A goes up to Guy B, gropes him once or twice, decides he likes Guy B's response and says, Hey, I like you, wanna get a room?"
Shikamaru was about to take a right but he stopped to stare at me, his lips pulled down into a definite frown. "Please don't tell me anymore."
"So," I said, grinning at him and leaning forward so that we were very close. Shikamaru swatted at my nose and went back to waiting for a chance to merge into the traffic. "Guy B says no, walks away coyly and sways his hips a bit so that Guy A is still interested and plays hard to get at."
Shikamaru groaned. "No, no more. Please. No more."
Kiba laughed in the back seat and sat up, straightening his tie. "So, Naruto, can I grope you?"
"Sure thing, Kiba. But not right now, I'm a little busy. Shikamaru still needs to understand the mating patterns of the homosexuals."
"Ah yes," Kiba tutted. "That's a very complicated matter indeed."
"Yes, now you understand how impor--"
"Idiots," Shikamaru said, stopping at a traffic light. A few pedestrians crossed, and one, a girl with an iPod in her ears, turned to glare reproachfully at us while she did so.
"And then," I plunged on, "Guy A follows Guy B, flirts and charms his way into Guy B's heart, and they go find a room."
"The end," Kiba said. "And Amen."
"Amen," I echoed, and joined in with Kiba's laughter as Shikamaru's face twisted into horror.
"Please don't tell me any more. I'll kill you. I will."
"Now, the heterosexuals, on the other hand," I said, sitting back and stroking my chin thoughtfully, "They are a league of their own."
"Preach it, sister," Kiba said, and I turned around to sock him in the jaw. My fist made contact, however brief. "Preach it, brother," he ammended.
"Now, the heterosexuals go through more or less the same process in steps one and two."
"There were steps?" Shikamaru interrupted, turning another corner.
"Yes, you idiot. Weren't you paying attention? Step one is when Guy A notices Girl. Step Two is when he goes and gropes said Girl."
"Heterosexuals grope at first sight?" Kiba asked. "Okay, so I've been out of the loop."
"Of course, they grope," I provided, watching buildings pass by the car made its way into the commercial center of Tokyo.
"I've never groped," Kiba admitted sincerely.
"Inuzuka Kiba, you will go to hell for telling such lies," I reprimanded and Shikamaru laughed.
"All right, you two, you're here. Now get out before I grow an aneurysm." He waited until Kiba and I were out before lowering the window to yell, "And I'm not picking you up."
Kiba waved at Shikamaru, yelled back, "I'll see you at six thirty." Kiba and I made our way to the elevator, got in with a few of our colleagues and finally, we were in the large, roomy office. Kiba walked me to my space before turning to his own across the room--something about not wanting me to faint on the second day of work.
Lee was already sitting at his desk, experimentally flexing the fingers of his good hand. When he saw me come in, he grabbed a crutch and wobbled over to meet me. "Thanks for the help last night," he said. "My fingers started aching for some reason and I had to lie down for a while."
"Don't thank me," I said. "You should be resting anyways."
"Yes, well," Lee's eyes darkened and he stared at his leg, still in a cast. "I've rested for a few months already, but..." He trailed off before recovering with another one of his smiles. "Let's get to work then," he said, and I nodded. Work. That sounded good, especially in Lee's company.
Lee and I worked steadily for the next four hours and by the time lunch had come around, we were done officially okay-ing half the articles that were to be published the next day. Every few minutes, there would be a soft ding from my computer, indicating that yet another article, request, or order had come. We spent a few minutes grappling with the system in an attempt to shut it up but finally, gave in and called a Shino.
I was editing another one of the Jixi articles when I felt someone standing next to me. It was a tall man, impeccably dressed, with tight, curly hair. "Lee, I told you once already," he said, coming over to stand over my shoulder. He bent down and took over my mouse.
"Shino," he said, clicking away. "Shino Aburame."
"Uzumaki Naruto," I replied, turning a little to smile at him. He stared back, eyes blank before one side of his lips twitched up.
"Kiba told us about you. Everything he said you would be."
I blushed at that and looked back at the screen, making a note to ask Kiba exactly what he told these people about me. "Thanks for the help," I said, gesturing towards the screen. "It was driving me up the walls."
"Yes, well," he opened another window and clicked through a few options before he came to the Audio settings. "It does that to everyone. It's Tsunade's little reminder that--" Here he looked up to catch Lee's grin, and together they finished the sentence, "--she is God."
"I haven't met her yet," I said, and watched as Shino straightened up.
"Well, don't look anywhere except for her face," Lee said, blushing a little.
Shino nodded in agreement. "Just her face. Maybe the dot on her forehead. It's a good place to concentrate."
"Why?"
"Well," Lee fidgeted, and stared imploringly at Shino.
"She's well-equipped," Shino supplemented, a small, small smirk on his face. "A little more than well-equipped, in fact."
I chuckled. "Well, that won't be a problem for me the--"
Shino turned to me a tilt in his head, but before he could ask the question in his mind (and I could bet anything that it was, Are you gay, then?), somebody cleared their throat loudly behind us.
"Uzumaki Naruto," Jiraiya's voice was loud, even against all the noise in the newsroom. Suddenly, the office stilled and everyone turned towards the commotion. I turned to face Jiraiya when my eyes fell on a woman with golden hair, sharp brown eyes, and thin, painted lips. She had a marking on her forehead--slightly Indian in its style, I thought--and if her equipment was any sign, then she must be--
"Tsunade," Shino said and leaned casually against the side of my desk. Lee stood up and was about to walk over when Tsunade waved impatiently at him.
"Sit down, Lee. You're in no condition to keep welcoming me like a gentleman every time I walk in." Her voice was sharp, sharper than should be for a woman her age. She was Orochimaru's friend once, which meant--
"Are you really seventy years old?" I said before I could catch myself. I saw her stiffen, and felt the room temperature drop a few degrees. Behind me Shino shifted and Lee muttered "oh dear."
"Kid," Jiraiya said, stepping in between me and Tsunade, "That wasn't very smart."
"Sorry," I mumbled, staring down at my feet. Great. If I hadn't gotten fired yet for being drunk, I would for being an idiot. "It's just that...well, Orochimaru and you--"
"Orochimaru?" Tsunade said, pushing aside Jiraiya and coming forward to stand in front of me.
I felt my eyes gravitate down a little but pulled them back up. Focus on the dot, I told myself. Focus. "Yes, why?"
"So you're the boy that he was talking about."
"I suppose," I said, leaning back a little even though there was a table between us.
"The one he kissed?"
I blushed. "I never gave him explicit permi--"
"The one Uchiha Sasuke kissed?"
"That was an accid--"
"The one Kakashi slept with?"
"That was--Okay, that's going a little too far, Granny," I said leaning forward and placing my hand down firmly on the table.
We stared at each other, a few inches away, and I saw her eyes lighten at the challenge. "You have nerve, boy."
"I was born with it," I snapped back, and realized a split-second later how quickly and childishly I'd risen to the bait.
"So was I."
"You've had many, many years to practice, though, Granny," I said, unable to keep the taunt out of my voice. She was obviously enjoying this fight, and so why shouldn't I? "I am a natural."
Tsunade leaned back, a pleased look on her face. "I can see why Sasuke fell for you," she said after a while. "Kakashi was right then. Puppy love. Ugh."
"He didn't f--Nobody fell for anybody," I snapped, blushing.
Slowly, considering me, she took a coil of her thick blonde hair and twirled it around one of her fingers. "I've heard otherwise."
"From Kakashi, no doubt," I muttered. I was going to kill that man before I did anything else.
"Yes, but he told me that after he revealed your little...tryst together. Forget Sasuke, the fact that you got Kakashi in bed is quite som--"
"That is none of your concern," I replied, and feeling a rush of courage, sat down in my seat and leaned back, glaring up at her.
She grinned at me, her eyes a sharp, sharp gold. "It is when Orochimaru starts getting interested too."
"The feeling's not mutual," I said, and noticing the interested gleam in her eyes, added, "I'd appreciate it if you didn't share this piece of information. I'd like to break it to him by myself."
"Fine, then." She placed one palm on the table and leaned forward. "Now what about Uchiha Sasuke?"
"There is nothing between me and Sasuke."
"First-name basis, I see."
"I worked with him for a week," I answered mildly, keeping my voice soft because now, the entire office had silenced. Even the phones had stopped ringing.
"I've known Sasuke since he was twelve," Tsunade said. "I was not allowed to call him anything but Uchiha until he was eighteen."
"You're an isolated incident." I was getting sick and tired of her interrogation. I had, only yesterday, finally given him up. Officially given him up. Now this--
"That stands true for Jiraiya as well. And everyone in his staff. It isn't me," Tsunade said, a smirk pulling one side of her lips up a little, "You are the isolated incident."
"There is nothing." I bit off the word to collect my breath and control my anger. "Nothing between me and Sasuke."
"Of course." There was sarcasm there and I bristled.
"I'm glad we both agree," I said, biting my lip to fight down the shudder that was running through my body. Why was everyone bent on making me face this fact again, and again, and again. He was getting married, I wanted to yell at her. Nothing can be gained if people kept on. Just.
"We don't, boy," Tsunade said, her voice serious all of a sudden. "Sasuke asked you to work for him after Kakashi fired you. That, if anything else, is a sure sign that something is going on between the two of you."
I took a pause to collect my thoughts before countering her. "He's not the type to do anything without a reason. His reason for asking me was simple, childish competition. And I indulged him. There's nothing more to be said about this situation."
She was silent. "It was nice meeting you," Tsunade said, turning around. "And if I were you, I'd check your email a little more frequently. I sent you a memo and expected a reply five minutes ago."
"Right."
Tsunade left, but Jiraiya remained, staring at me intently for a few moments. "Things like that, boy," he said sighing and pulling out his pipe again. "Shouldn't be bottled up." He nodded once at Lee and then at Shino before he left the cubicle as well.
There was silence even after Tsunade disappeared into her office, followed closely by Jiraiya. I sat down in my chair, and closed my eyes. "It's a conspiracy," I muttered into the room, attempting to break the silence. The awful, awful silence.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Check your email," Shino said, voice soft. "If Tsunade came down herself for a reply, then it must be very important."
I gestured at the computer. "It's open." There was a brief silence before I heard clicking again and Lee's uneven footsteps. And then, silence.
"Naruto," Lee said, his voice closer now. "You're going to Jixi."
*
"I won't go." There was silence except for the scratching of Tsunade's pen against paper. I slammed the print-out version of the memo and the stack of instructions and forms that she had emailed me. It made a dull, resounding slap against the wood of her desk.
"I don't recall giving you an option on this matter." She was still bent over the papers, and I stared at the crown of her head. Gold, gold, gold everywhere. She was enjoying this.
"I won't go."
"And I won't repeat myself."
I ground my teeth and felt the muscle in my jaw tighten painfully, counted to calm my anger: one, two, three, four. "I refuse to go."
"This job," Tsunade said--five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten--"Is something of an emergency. Our appointed writer was called away on a last minute duty, and I refuse to send Lee alone on this trip."
Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one--"I have important family matters."
"You're an orphan, Naruto."
Twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven-- "I'm still recovering from my coma. I'm not allowed to fly."
"We'll book a ship." Twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty.
"I get sea-sick."
Thirty-one, thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four. "Chew gum."
Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty. "My friend is dying. I need to be by his bedside."
Forty-one, forty-two, forty-three, forty-four, forty-five, forty-six. "He or she can die at a more convenient time. For now, you are going to Jixi. These are your duties, Naruto. If you'd like to resign from your job and explain to your next fortunate employer why you were dismissed from two jobs after working for such short periods of time at both offices, I'm more than willing to write appropriate recommendations and let you go."
Forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine "No, thank you."
Fifty. Tsunade looked up at me and grinned. "Bon voyage, then."
*
"It's a goddamned conspiracy," I said, shoving a towel into my duffel bag viciously. Shikamaru sat on the bed and clucked his tongue pityingly. He stuffed his hand into his pocket and took out a cigarette pack. By the time I went to get another shirt from my closet and returned to the bed, cigarette smoke was rising lazily to the ceiling.
"She's not doing this on purpose," Kiba yelled from the kitchen. I heard a clatter, and then a string of curses before he continued, "She's bad but not this bad."
"She humiliated me in the office," I snarled. I held two shirts in my hand--one white and the other striped. I stared at them both. What was Sasuke's favorit--
"I. Will. Kill. Her." I dropped both shirts to the floor and glared at them before pointedly stepping on them. Laundry be damned, I was angry.
"You can try," Kiba said, walking in with three cups on a tray. The smell was distantly coffee-like, and under normal circumstances, I would have hesitated to try Kiba's concoctions, but today. Today was different.
"I'm. I'm seething," I said, going back to my closet to pick out my pajamas. God could strike me down if I even laid a hand on a single yukata that Sasuke sent for me.
"It's your job. You get to do that a lot when you're fully employed, Naruto," Shikamaru said. I glared at him. He was mostly apathetic to this entire situation, maybe a little proud of me for keeping my job this time, but still.
"Show him some sympathy, man," Kiba said, sitting down next to Shikamaru. He plucked the cigarette from between Shikamaru's fingers and took in a long breath before letting it out in a stream of smoke. "He's going through a lot here."
Shikamaru scowled and took out another cigarette before lighting it as well. "Crank open a window, will you? The fire alarm will go off again." I growled at the back of my throat but moved to obey. The last thing I needed today, the very, very last thing was for the fire alarm to go off.
I stared at the bag, full with clothes and toiletries before zipping it up. I moved towards my desk where I started to pack my laptop and papers that would become important once I started to write day-to-day article covering the wedding ceremony. It would go in Page 3, the entertainment section. I shuddered at that. Uzumaki Naruto writing in an A&E column, for gods' sake.
"--tting married. There's not much he can do at this point."
I turned to watch the two of them speculate. This was becoming a soap opera. A real-life, never-ending, horribly cruel and surreal soap opera.
"But," Kiba added, nodding to Shikamaru's wisdom, "From what I hear from Iruka who heard from Shizune who heard from Shino who heard from Lee who heard from Jiraiya who heard from Tsunade who heard from Orochimaru who heard from Kakashi who, supposedly, heard from Uchiha himself, the Uchiha clan doesn't need an heir. His brother Itachi already has some kid."
"But those are rumors," Shikamaru interrupted and leaned against the head board. The two of them stared at each other for a few moments before Shikamaru relented. "Orochimaru heard from Kakashi who heard from Uchiha?"
"Yep."
"Well, in that case, Naruto has a pretty good sho--"
"All rihght, enough, you two." I went over to join them on the bed and fell heavily onto my back. Beside me, Shikamaru shifted to settle himself more comfortably as did Kiba, who moved to hand us our coffees.
Silence fell on the room as we sipped at our own drinks. After fifteen minutes or so, Shikamaru crushed his cigarette in the ash tray on the night stand.
"But he heard from Uchiha, though."
I saw red.
*
When I saw Lee two days later in the airport, still with the one-armed crutch, and a guilty smile on his face, some of my anger faded. "It's all my fault," he apologized, "If I had recovered a bit sooner, Tsunade wouldn't have forced you to accompany me."
"It's not your fault," I said, taking his baggage against his protests. I placed them on the same cart and began walking slowly towards the check-in. "Please, don't apologize."
"But--"
I stopped pushing the cart and turned to face Lee. "I want to feel angry," I said, staring into his wide, friendly eyes, willing myself to talk. "I want to feel angry at Tsunade because if I don't feel angry at her, then I'll start thinking about other things." A family of five rushed by us, chatterring excitedly. I let them pass, carefully watching Lee's face relax in understanding even before I could understand myself what I was trying to say. "If I don't feel angry at her then I'll start...Don't apologize. I'll feel obliged to not feel angry at Tsunade if you do."
Lee nodded, and then moved his crutch to point at our laptop bags. "We have a lot of work to do."
"Yes," I said, gritting my teeth and pushing the cart again to stand behind the family of five. They were loud, I thought. Too loud.
We waited in line for fifteen minutes before we could go up and check in our baggage. I hoisted my carry-on bag--my laptop--onto my shoulder and offered to do the same for Lee but he shook his head. "I want to sleep," he said, a guilty smile on his face.
By the time we got onto the plane, I was getting more and more anxious. I had convinced Lee, while we were waiting at the gate, to let me write the introductory article that would be printed this evening. The actual correspondance would begin two days later, but we needed to publicize.
"The Uchiha clan," Lee explained, settling back into his chair. An air-hostess walked by with a dull clicking of her heels. "They give access to this event to one of each media venue. We're the only newspaper given access to this event. Channel 37 is the only TV news station, and 86.8 Tokyo's Voices was the only radio station program."
I watched as Lee put up his feet. We were traveling first-class. Courtesy Uchiha Corps. I bristled at the thought. Was Sasuke doing this because he knew I was coming or was he--
"Ironic," Lee said, sitting back into his chair with a sigh. He flexed the fingers that were held rigidly in place by the cast. "When Itachi and Sasuke were born, they regulated media as well. Even when Uchiha Fugaku died, and Itachi disappeared, they were strict about this rule."
I grunted an acknowledgement and stared at the magazines peeking out from the seat-pocket in front of me.
"They're a disciplined people," Lee said, his voice soft and a little slurred. I glanced at him once and saw that he was about to fall asleep.
"Yes," I said, watching as his breath evened out and his facial muscles relaxed. "They are."
*
We were mid-flight when my fingers started making three errors for every word that I typed. The backspace key was becoming revisited every two seconds, and frustrated, I let my hands rest for a while. The page in front of me was half-filled already, but I had reached a dead-end.
"Thousand words, my ass," I mumbled. Tsunade was doing this on purpose. I knew it.
Lee shifted next to me and flipped the page of the magazine. "How do you plan on dealing with the situation when you face Sasuke?"
I stiffened. "I won't."
"You won't?" Lee didn't sound surprised, but he got an A for effort.
"No. You will."
"Oh, so that's how we're splitting up the work."
"Yes. You talk. I write. I won't be coming out of the room."
"That's not polite," Lee said. I turned to look at him and saw that he was frowning. "The Uchihas have invited us to a very personal occassion. We should respect their hospitality and be good guests."
"I was once their guest," I snapped, "And trust me, they are not very hospitable people."
Lee muttered something under his breath before saying out loud. "You know, you shouldn't be complaining."
"I shouldn't?" I didn't sound surprised, and I got an F for effort, too.
Lee nodded to himself as if reaffirming his thoughts. "Things can't get any worse for you at this point."
*
When Kakashi stepped out of the limo, tall, silvery, and handsome, a crooked grin on his face and his fingers hooked at the opening of his pockets, I hissed at Lee, "It just got worse."
"Hatake Kakashi," he said, holding out his hand to Lee, who shook it with a small smile. "You must be Rock Lee. I've heard a lot of good things about you."
Lee blushed. "It's a pleasure, Mr. Hata--"
"Kakashi is fine. Please."
"It's a pleasure, then, Kakashi. I've heard a lot of good things about you as well."
Kakashi grinned and shot a glance at me. "From Naruto? Because if that's the case..." He trailed off and I felt a blush creep onto my face again. Perverted older men were starting to get to me.
"From a host of people," Lee said.
"All right, then, I'm here to go over the rules."
"At your leisure," I mumbled and felt a muscle in my jaw jump when Kakashi smiled at me again.
"Your interaction with the guests and the family members will be monitored at all times," Kakashi began, stance lazy, but his eyes a sharp, sharp steel. I shivered under his gaze. "We can, and will, interrupt you at any point during the course of the next two weeks if we are given enough reason to believe that you are acting out of questionable motives."
Lee nodded next to me, and I looked away. Questionable motives. Right.
"What you publish is not under our jurisdiction, but anything that deviates from the truth will not be tolerated. Keep in mind," Kakashi said, and his tone made me glance at him from the corner of my eye, "That Tokyo Daigaku Shinbun and Uchiha Corps are closely related."
He paused, and tilted his head at an angle that would have been innocent had it not been for the hard set of his jaw. "Break any of these rules and the consequences will not only extend to you and your immediate family and friends, but also your colleagues and company."
So, I thought, unable to keep my curiosity in check any longer. This was how the Uchiha Corps really functioned. By flexing its financial muscle to get anything and everything it wanted, all the while pleasing the public with the pretense that yes, they were accessible to the average Japanese citizen.
"Understood," Lee said, and I echoed him. Kakashi moved to let Lee pass, and get into the limo. I waited until he had gotten himself seated and was about to go in when I felt Kakashi's hand on my shoulder.
"You still look distracted," he said, leaning in to whisper in my ear, his voice light and teasing, "I'm sure you can resolve this problem within the next two weeks, though, don't you think?"
*
I walked the halls of the Uchiha manor, watching Lee's unspoken appreciation of the simple beauty that it held. We were in the seperated guest wing of the manor, a part that I had not visited before, and I wasn't at ease.
Sasuke had been with me before, and he had made this place feel right. Now, with the silent murmur of people behind doors and in the inner-gardens, the undercurrent of the marriage to come, it all seemed out of place.
I closed my eyes and remembered, for an instance, Sasuke looking down at me, contemplating what he was going to say next in our attempt to make civilized conversation. The weather is nice, he had said, and I smiled at that.
What I would give to hear that from him every day, if just to hear his voice.
When the servant dropped Lee off, I made sure that he was comfortable before following the servant to my own quarters. They were well furnished, a lot like the room that I was given when I frst arrived here. And not anything like Sasuke's room.
I watched as the servant put down my laptop on the desk. She straightened, asked me I would like anything and left when I shook my head. It was already ten thirty, and by then, I'd lost my appetite. I went to bed, trying not to think of Sasuke's thumb brushing my cheek.
When I woke the next morning, it was to the sound of a hesitant, but familiar, "Master Naruto?"
I sat up, groggy still and hungry. "Come in."
The door opened and closed quietly before Eiji stepped in, bowing slightly. "Breakfast, Master Naruto?"
"Naruto is fine, Eiji. Please."
Eiji considered me with his mismatched eyes. "It is hard for me to call people by their first names," he said, choosing his words carefully, "I have been with Master Sasuke all my life."
I blushed at his confession and nodded. "Yes, please. Breakfast would be good. Something simple," I said. "Toast and coffee is fine. Nothing more."
Eiji bowed again before retreating. It was only after the door closed behind him that I remembered that Eiji was Sasuke's personal servant. If he was serving me then that meant that Sasuke was fully aware of my presence and was, in his silent, frigid way, showing that he--
I shook my head at that thought. The man was getting married. He would not be thinking about me at this point.
Eiji came back a few minutes later, carrying a small tray. He put it on the table before walking over to an armoire and pulling out a drawer. "I was told to expect a refusal of services, but--" He took out a yukata with a familiar Uchiha fan on the back and placed it near a pile of towels that were on a table across from the bed--"I was also told to offer them nonetheless."
He bowed, and not even waiting for me to answer, left.
I stared at the yukata for a full fifteen minutes before deciding. In my duffel bag, Kiba--or was it Shikamaru--had packed the two shirts that I had discarded on the floor of my room. I took out the plain white shirt.
*
I straightened Lee's tie for him and smoothed out the wrinkles in his light gray jacket. "This isn't very like you," I said, and saw him frown. He had asked me for help, a little shy, finding it difficult with his cast to move about for so long.
"Yes, well, etiquette calls for extreme measures."
I smiled at him and stood back to appreciate my work. "Perfect."
"Thank you," he said, softly and stared down at his hand. "You shouldn't have to be here," he admitted after a moment. "You've been tense since you found out the news, and now, you're paler than I've ever seen you before."
"It's nothing," I said quickly, not daring to look at myself in the mirror, knowing full well that Lee was right. "Just didn't get a lot of sleep. Jet lagged, I guess."
I had looked at myself in the mirror in my bathroom and was more than surprised. I had become pale, a little too pale, and under my tan, I looked sick, as if I was recovering from something far more serious than a week-long coma. And then there were my eyes.
Lee sighed and tugged at my shoulder so that I was facing the mirror as well. I tried not to stare.
They were becoming a strange color, almost as if they were going from blue and trying to become a deep, deep, bluish-red. I could see flecks of maroon around my iris. "You need sleep," Lee said, his hand firm on my shoulder. "This trip is eating at you. From the inside out."
"It's nothing," I said, pushing off his hand and moving to gather the papers for the day. "Anyways, I sent over the draft of the introduction last night. Got an email back from Shizune saying that another draft wouldn't be necessary so we don't have to worry about polishing the work or anything."
Lee frowned at the sudden, forceful change of subject and moved towards the door. "That gives us plenty of time to acquaint ourselves with the guests, then, don't you think?"
I stared down at my outfit. It was a little too casual for this kind of a gathering, and besides, I really didn't want to--"You know what, Lee, I think you're right. I do need some sleep."
I brushed past him and mumbled a hurried "have fun" and "pay attention to the details" before slipping out and walking down the hall towards my own room.
Novels told of love doing things to people. It changed people, made people, and broke people. I had read many, many books on romance, had read and not really taken the stories seriously. And now.
I pushed open the door to my room and leaned back against it once it was closed.
What, I wondered, against the throbbing in my head and the burn in my stomach, was it doing to me now?
End of The Twelfth