The bridge I crossed
The Nineteenth
Friday, at work, I kept getting strange looks. I wrote them off as initial reaction to me wearing glasses, but then, I found a "good luck with your boyfriend for dinner" on my desk and I lost all patience. How did they even know? How did anyone but Sasuke and me know? Did Sasuke tell Kakashi? Which meant the entire world knew.
I waited until after my meeting with Tanaka and the DA--which was unproductive, ending with a lot of philosophical analysis of the freedom of the press and Tsunade threatening to throw the DA out of the Daigaku Shinbun building--before calling him. Yoshie answered, her voice familiar and pitched low. "Hey Yoshie, it's Naruto. Could you get me Kakashi, please?"
She made me wait for a split-second, and then Kakashi was answering, voice light and playful. "Well this is a pleasant surprise."
"Did he tell you?"
"Who told me what?"
"Sasuke," I said slowly. There was silence on the other end, so I added, "You know. Plans tonight."
"Oh, your dinner date," Kakashi said, finally. "Yeah, why?"
"You told everyone didn't you?" I hissed into the phone.
Kakashi laughed before saying between chuckles, "Sasuke skipped a board meeting to watch a movie with you, Naruto. That was news enough for everyone. And besides. I didn't have to tell anyone anything. Sasuke did all the talking himself."
"He told people?"
"No," Kakashi said, slowly. "He asked around about whether he was supposed to bring you flowers and wine."
My mind went blank at the information. "Asked around."
"Well, he asked Sakura, and then me..." Kakashi trailed off. "And Orochimaru. Although I think he asked Orochimaru just to rub it in his face that you're dating him now. You know, establish his territory."
"Uh--" I was territory now?
"I think Orochimaru told Tsunade, and Tsunade told Jiraiya, who told Shizune, and well...the rest is history. You want to talk over lunch?" Was that a good idea, even? Sasuke already suspected that something was going on between us, so doing something like this--"Never mind," Kakashi said, as if reading my thoughts. "That was a bad idea."
"Yes, it was. But..." I smiled despite myself. "I would have said yes if circumstances were different."
"I know," Kakashi sighed dramatically. "Tragic, isn't it? Hey--can I get Iruka's cell phone number?"
I hung up on him.
*
By the time I got home at four thirty, I was dreading dinner more than I had ever before.
Sighing, I dropped my laptop on my bed and began to undo my tie. I had yet to decide what to cook. So I did what I always did in times of dilemmas--I sneaked into the bathroom and wasted half an hour letting the hot water gently patter away the strain of the day. By the time I came out, I was more lucid and went about cleaning up the living room. It didn't take long--I had vacuumed at Shikamaru's request and with Kiba's help last weekend. Somehow, I'd managed to keep it almost perfectly clean throughout the week.
I padded about my house in a white, much-too-big-and-fluffy bathrobe, hippo-slippers that Shikamaru had given me, and with my new glasses on. It was only five, so there was plenty of time still till Sasuke came. I flipped on the TV, stretched out on my sofa, and without even realizing it, began to doze.
When I woke up again, it was to the doorbell ringing.
I winced--first time he was coming over, and I'd be opening the door with a bathrobe on. Could it get any worse? I walked slowly towards the door, muttered a good luck charm under my breath, and then opened the door. Sasuke was dressed as usual in a business outfit and was standing with his hands in his pocket. There was a flicker in his eyes the minute he saw me, but it vanished quickly. Blushing a little, he held up a bouquet for me to take with one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.
I stared at it. "Flowers?" He didn't lower his hand. He bought me flowers? "You're kidding me." Sasuke scowled and was about to move away when I snatched them from him. "They're..." I sniffed at them, a little hesitantly. I needed an adjective, so I said the first thing that came to mind: "Aromatic."
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. "Aromatic."
"And beautiful," I said, laughing guiltily. Which they were. But I wasn't used to getting flowers. The wine, though--I reached forward and grabbed the bottle, smiling. The wine, I could get used to. "Come in."
This was the second time he was in my house, but this time, he began to take off his shoes instead of lingering at the entrance. I stepped towards the couches, and Sasuke followed. "Sit down. I'll just go get on some clothes."
I headed first for the kitchen, where I put the wine on the counter and went about to find a vase for the flowers. It took me a few more seconds to cut the stems at an angle and drop them into the water, and then, I was in my bedroom, hurriedly pulling on sweats and a shirt. There was no time for me to be picky about what I wore, so I grabbed my glasses and headed back into the kitchen. "Do you want something to drink? I have water, tea, coke, sprite..." I pulled open the fridge to confirm, and then added, "Beer. We can have wine over dinner."
I saw Sasuke reading the newspaper on the table, and he looked up. "Beer." A pause, and then, "Please."
I moved about the kitchen silently, glancing occasionally at Sasuke to check if he was still reading. When I walked out, beer in one hand and tea in another, he folded the paper and put it back down again. "Actually, to tell you the truth," I said sitting down in the couch and looking at him over the table. "I haven't started dinner yet." He didn't comment, so I heaved a sigh and ventured, "Want to help me cook?"
"All right," he said, putting down his glass. I smiled at him and got up, motioning him to follow me.
"What do you like?"
He was silent, and then after a long, long pause--I took out a chopping board and knife--answered, "Sushi."
I couldn't help but smile. This was Sasuke, and I'd expected his favorite food to be something much, much more complicated. But he liked sushi. "All right. I could get chirashi going fast enough. Is that all right?" Sasuke nodded his head, and stared at me for a few minutes. "What?"
"You have glasses."
I waved my hand and motioned for him to sit at the table. I didn't know how to split up the work for making such a simple dish, so I began by myself. "Shikamaru bullied me into getting an appointment. He got annoyed that I kept asking about which player was where during games, so I went. Turns out that he was right. Kiba thinks I look older," I said cutting up the carrots and helping myself to a few pieces.
"I met him."
"At the wedding? Yeah. Well, you might see more of him," I went on. "He's dating Hinata now."
I turned around to see if he wanted to cut some of the vegetables, and saw that he had angled the seat so his legs weren't under the table. He looked relaxed, with his hands crossed over his chest. He caught my stare and returned it, steady as ever. I suddenly lost my train of thought and ducked my head. It was the most relaxed Sasuke had ever been around me and his willingness to trust me surprised me. Taking a steadying breath, I looked up at him again, "Do you--Do you like mushrooms or should I not include them?"
"I don't mind," he said. His voice made me want to go closer so that I could hear him better.
"All right." I turned around and began to clean the mushrooms. "So I had dinner with Lee and Sakura two days ago," I began. I made the dish with ease, and all the while, talked. I didn't know if he was paying much attention, but when I glanced over my shoulder occasionally, I saw that his gaze was still on me.
When, twenty minutes later, I placed the food in front of him with a flourish he straightened. I popped open the bottle of wine and poured us both a drink, apologizing for the simplicity of dinner. "I didn't think that I was so sleepy. I came home, took a shower, and them boom. I'm on my back, napping."
I watched Sasuke take the first bite, and then the second. When he glanced up and saw my gaze he looked puzzled. "How is it?" When he still didn't make a comment, I added with a sigh, "Usually, people compliment food when someone else cooks it for them for the first time."
"It's good," Sasuke said. I raised my eyebrow, so he added, "I like it."
That was the most I would get from him, so rolling my eyes, I began to eat. The food turned out well. Not my best, but still tasty. We ate in silence for a while with only the clink of chopsticks and glass to fill the silence. I didn't feel obliged to break the silence, was comfortable with it in a strange, unexpected way. "Seconds?"
He shrugged, so I took his bowl, got up and served some more from the bowl full of chirashi that I had kept on the stove to keep warm. "Sorry for the monotony of dinner," I said, "I'd usually have another dish or two prepared."
Sasuke took the bowl and began to eat. "Next time, then," he said. I felt a smile coming to my face.
"Next time, I won't fall asleep."
"Fine with me," Sasuke said. He picked up his glass and took a sip, blushing slightly. "Next time...should I bring flowers?"
I grinned. To make him feel more at ease, I lied, "Yes, I like flowers. And wine." His lips twitched, and he hid a pleased smile by ducking his head over the food again. We finished soon after that. Sasuke watched me clean, dry and put the dishes away, not offering to help--did he even know how, I wondered--and then, we were settling in the couch, wine glasses in hand. I leaned my head back against the curve of the couch, smiling. "Kakashi tell you to bring me flowers?"
Sasuke stilled next to me, a frown coming onto his face. "You talked to him."
It was a wrong move, even I knew it, bringing up Kakashi during our evening together. I turned to face him and shifted closer, until my leg was pressed up against his side. "We're just friends, Sasuke."
"It didn't look that way--"
"He has a huge, terrible, and embarrassing crush on someone I know. He's been pestering me to set them up together, that's all." Sasuke didn't look convinced so, balancing the wine glass in one hand, I leaned forward and kissed his cheek lightly. "There's nothing between us," I muttered against his skin. Sasuke turned to face me, frown disappearing, eyes searching my face for something, and then, his lips were pressing against mine, chaste and a little hesitant. Then, the contact was gone and he was looking at me again, face slightly flushed.
"You've kissed me before, Sasuke, stop being so shy," I muttered, tugging at him by his collar. Finally, a voice in my mind breathed. I leaned forward a little and kissed the angle of his jaw that I'd begun to memorize in the past few months, breathed in his smell, licked his skin just a little to get a taste. It was tangy, made me heady and taut with need, and just as I was about to crawl into his lap--he was pulling back, blushing, straightening his jacket over his shoulders. So he didn't want to--
"Sorry." I got to my feet and made my way to the kitchen to refill my cup with wine. Sakura said that he was used to exotic models from other countries, so why was I even expecting anything in the first place? I stared at the flowers he brought for me, looking a little odd and out of place in the kitchen. He was so uncomfortable with this entire thing, and I hadn't even noticed.
I snatched at the wine bottle and began to pour myself another drink. I'd be needing it, I realized. To get through this night, I'd need it. "--ruto." There was a hand on my shoulder, and next thing I knew, I'd spilled the wine onto my hand, the countertop, a little on the floor.
"You scared me," I mumbled, moving towards the sink without looking at him. I ripped out a few paper towels and began cleaning up, taking more care than I needed to. There had to be some way to show him out, end this night before it got any worse. Sure, I'd gotten to like him, like spending time with him, but I wanted him, and there was a world's difference between driving around in his car and wanting him.
"I want to--"
"You don't have to," I snapped, getting up from my crouch on the ground. I went over to the trash can and shoved the napkins in.
"I want to, though," Sasuke mumbled, coming up to me. His hand came up around my wrist, tugging until I was facing him.
"I'm not one of your models, all right, Sasuke?" I snatched my hand away, feeling my anger bubbling. "I'm not some woman for you to pick up--"
"I realize you're not a woman, dead last," he snapped, running a hand angrily through his hair. "That's the problem."
Problem. So he didn't want me, wanted a woman. My mind went blank, any argument that I had slipping away, unnoticed. "Right, sure," I said, slowly, and moved around him to finish cleaning up the countertop. "Look, maybe it's better if you--"
The phone rang sharp and insistent in the kitchen. Sasuke glanced at it and then back at me. I finished wiping away at the mess I'd made before moving forward to pick it up. "Hello?"
"Naruto, turn on the evening news. Tokyo7" It was Tsunade, sounding urgent. I took the phone with me to the living room and turned on the television, flipping through until I'd reached the channel.
"--the case comes hard on the heels of another case in Nagoya, also dealing with the yakuza. Government officials say that this is part of a nation-wide attempt to crack down on the yazuka. Reporters who have withhold information regarding these cases are now subject to questioning. The most hard hit newspaper is the Tokyo Daigaku Shinbun. Senior Editor Uzumaki Naruto has protected two of his writers from a subpoena for the past month. His writers have been focusing on a connection between yakuza and a miscount in recent legislature elections of the Oita district."
The scene on TV cut to the DA, looking triumphant on the steps of the Supreme Court. "Tsunade and Uzumaki of the Daigaku Shinbun has been putting forth a convincing argument for the past month, but it's time for the higher courts to intervene." The screen cut back to the reporter. "According to senior officials within the Daigaku Shinbun network, Uzumaki Naruto and his writers have been nominated for the Uyeda Prize for Journalism in the past week--"
"Congratulations," Tsunade's voice cut in, dry and without any humor. It was an honor, by any measure, but now was not the time to be celebrating.
"--the court rules in favor of the DA, then Daigaku Shinbun will have to discloser the sources of his writers, regardless of existing journalism shields. However, a ruling in favor of the Daigaku Shinbun will redefine the scope of a journalist's--"
I turned off the television and sat heavily in the sofa. "I'm not going to settle out of court."
Tsunade sighed impatiently into the phone. "I figured as much."
"I won't let him drag my writers down like this." I ran a hand through my hair. This was not the time to mope. Not the time, nor the place. "If he wants a fight, he'll get one."
"Get over to the office as soon as you can. I'm calling Tanaka and his team--"
"I'm calling in my assistant editors, my writers, and tech there as well. Tell anyone you call to bring a paper trail of everything for the past three months. I want to shred every single thing in sight, hardware, paper copies, everything."
"As long as there's no subpoena on our desks, the evidence is ours--to do what we like with it," Tsunade finished for me. She was silent for a moment, and then, "Sorry for disturbing your night with--"
"Don't be," I said and stood up. "I'll see you in the office in fifteen." I hung up the phone and turned to face Sasuke who was still standing by the kitchen entrance. "I have to go."
"Right," he muttered, and moved towards the door. "I'll give you a ride to your office."
I wanted to say no, wanted to say, Get out, but I had to get to the office. "Wait," I said, and went to gather my things in the bedroom. It took only a few minutes to change into jeans and tug on a light jacket over my shirt. But finding every piece of evidence was more difficult. By the time I came out, hands laden with files and a laptop, Sasuke was waiting by the door, shoes on.
His car was outside, parked in the front circle, blending into the night. It was another sports car, just as sleek and shiny as the other two I'd seen. When he held the door open for me, I slipped in without making a comment and watched as he walked around the car to get in the driver's seat. I waited until he'd gotten in before fishing out my cell phone and going through the phone book.
I sent a text message to both my assistant editors, telling them to get their asses to their office or so help me god, I'd fire them. Then, I called my writers and left the same voice message on both their answering machines, telling them to get rid of all their records, erase their hard drives, and get down to the office as soon as they could. Sasuke was silent next to me the entire time, staring resolutely at the road. He took a right turn into downtown Tokyo, and ahead, I could see Daigaku Shinbun, lights blazing still inside. It was layout, working double-time to make up for this new information.
Another turn, and we were pulling up the front-circle. I sat still for a while before moving to unbuckle my seat belt. "I appreciate the ride," I said, not looking at him as I gathered all my paperwork and laptop. I shoved the door open, and as I was stepping out, added, "I'll see you around."
The minute the door closed, Sasuke left, car tires screeching against the pavement.
*
Tsunade was already giving orders to everyone assembled when I slipped into the conference room. There were a handful of people, all in casual wear, looking nervous and jittery. "--deal with this as it comes. In the meantime, I want anyone who might be dragged into this affair to check in with tech and get their hard drives erased. Paper goes in that basket over by Shizune. Naruto, Tanaka, you're with me."
I dropped off my laptop with tech, told them to get rid of everything because out of everyone there, excluding my writers, I was the one with most of the information. Shizune helped me with all my paperwork and ushered me into Tsunade's office where Tanaka and Jiraiya were already waiting. Tsunade grinned at me from across the table when I sat down. "This should be fun."
I matched her grin with one of my own. "You're telling me, Granny?"
Tanaka shifted nervously from one foot to another, looking between the two of us. "Um...I'm not sure how much of this situation you understand, but Daigaku Shinbun is being dragged in front of the Supreme Court. This is a first in our nation's history, and we have a huge responsibility ahead of us, to set a precedent--"
Tsunade cracked her knuckles and leaned back. "Bring it on," I mumbled. It wasn't exactly the debut I was hoping for as senior editor, but it would do. And besides, I thought, grinning, I was itching to set the record straight with the DA.
"Don't mind them," Jiraiya interrupted as Tanaka was about to go on. "They're clinically insane."
*
I woke up the next morning, still at my office desk, and groggy from a long night of staring at the computer screen. Strangely enough, I smelt coffee. "I heard," Shikamaru said, and I heard the distinctive thunk of glass on wood.
"Shikamaru, what are you--"
"Dropped by to check on you on my way to work. Kiba told me. How was it?"
"Uhhhgn." I looked down at myself. Still in jeans, wearing a tattered Kyoto U Class of 1999 shirt. "Let's not talk about it."
Kiba pointed at the mug on the desk, looking pristine in his suit and tie. "Coffee. It should help."
I took a sip, grateful for its warmth and watched as Shikamaru got up, ready to leave. Abruptly, he paused by the door, turning to say, "Almost forgot. How did the Uchiha thing go?"
Kiba looked up expectantly, prompting me to answer the question. How was I going to explain this to them? He wants women, not men, it turns out didn't sound good. I wanted him, but he didn't want me sounded like a whine. So, "We broke it off."
"You broke it off," Kiba repeated, disbelieving.
I didn't meet his gaze and looked out of the window instead. There was the slightest hint of ice on the edges. "Turns out we're not very compatible, after all." I took another sip of the coffee, turning the mug slowly in my hands and letting the warmth of the cup loosen my fingers. Neither of them said anything. "It's getting cold."
"Winter's almost here, Naruto," Kiba said, voice soft.
"Already?" I sat back and looked outside, resigning myself to this: the passage of time, and me not even noticing or caring much about it. "I hate winter."
"Tell me about it." Shikamaru leaned against the door a little. "Cleaning the car is such a bitch."
"Don't worry," Kiba said, smiling, ever eager to lighten the mood. "Naruto will help. And then you can give me and him a ride to work."
"Fat chance."
I smiled when they began to bicker and closed my eyes. Winter, I thought. Already, the year would end in a few months. "--We'll get a tree! And shove it in the back seat!" I caught Kiba's excited comment. "And then, we'll put it up in one of our apartments, and get piss drunk on Christmas Eve."
"Here, here," I said raising my glass. The other two raised their glasses into the air as well. "To October and getting drunk on Christmas Eve. A toast."
Kiba and I all lifted our glasses in the air, not bothering to make them touch and content, instead, to sit back in our chairs. "I volunteer Naruto's place," Kiba said solemnly. "All in favor?"
Shikamaru opened the door to let himself out, but not before saying, "Second it. Naruto's place." The door shut behind him, and then Kiba turned to grin at me, all teeth.
"Fine," I mumbled into my mug, "My place."
*
Jiraiya clapped me on the back, grinning madly. "Congratulations!" The lounge cheered, raising their glasses in a toast. "To Daigaku Shinbun!"
"Daigaku Shinbun!"
There was a loud cheer and then everyone was tipping their cups, gulping down the sake in one go. Tsunade grinned at me from across the room. Four Uyeda Prizes, three of which belonged to my section--and now, my job was secure, Tsunade said, looking fierce and proud. No one could say I wasn't experienced enough anymore. Another Prize went to Arts and Entertainment for their coverage of the Japanese Film Festival. It was the twelfth under Tsunade's reign, and even though the specter of a Supreme Court case hung over the newsroom, this was a much-needed celebration.
I felt Lee's hand on my shoulder before I heard his voice. "Congratulations, Naruto," he said, grinning. "Sakura wanted me to tell you the same."
I smiled. "Thanks, Lee."
"You want to come over for dinner?"
I shook my head, not bothering to offer an explanation or an excuse. No matter how much I enjoyed Lee's and Sakura's company, today, I wanted to sleep in early, get some rest before another week of grueling work.
And besides, Lee wasn't overly sensitive about something like this. Over the months, we had gotten comfortable with each other. I visited Sakura now and then, staying for dinner or just for a few hours, drinking tea in her kitchen and listening to her share her tales of domesticity and med-school. For the strangest reason, Sakura and I grew close and she began to take on the personal responsibility of feeding me, clothing me, and anything else that got her attention.
Lee appreciated the friendship that I shared with Sakura. They rarely got into fights, but when they did, he would come to me for counsel, knowing that I would be able to placate her. I often saw Hinata and Ino walking up the steps of our building to meet Kiba and Shikamaru, and once in a while, they'd drop in on my house, and listen to embarrassing college anecdotes that I had under my sleeve. Kiba and Shikamaru indulged the two women, blushing a little but not interrupting me too much when I revealed all their faults.
In the middle all of this, Sasuke dropped off the face of the earth, retreating to Germany for weeks on end. He returned one day with a model hanging off his arm. The tabloids went into a frenzy for a few days at this, hounding the two of them--looking perfect together--and then, Sasuke dropped her just as abruptly as he'd picked her up. A week later, it was another model, an exotic looking Indonesian woman with slanting eyes, luscious black curls, and a stunning set of legs. Within a few days, she was gone as well and Sasuke disappeared to England. Overseas, he fell into a pattern--nothing new there, according to Sakura who scanned the tabloids with a frown: a model for each week, each beautiful in her own right.
I fought down the anger that was bubbling inside me--at him, mostly, for leading me along one of his sexual experiments. And at myself, for being foolish enough to believe him.
*
December rolled around, and suddenly, Sasuke was back in Japan again, slipping out of a slinky sports car, looking sharp and pristine against the snowy roads. He was here to stay, he announced. "Maybe you should call him," Kiba said one day, watching the tabloids show picture after picture of Sasuke--Sasuke with a beautiful woman, Sasuke buying a ridiculously extravagant yacht, Sasuke spending an obscene amount of money for a new apartment in uptown Tokyo. Next to me, Sakura hm-ed.
"That's a good idea," she muttered, leaning forward when a particularly interesting picture of Sasuke--on his yacht, shirtless, the contours of his muscles visible even from a distance, with his pants riding so dangerously low on his hips that I could see the bulge of his--I turned off the TV, fighting down a blush. Sakura cackled, punching me in the arm. "Call him."
Together, we walked into his kitchen and watched Kiba fumble around his kitchen. Sakura and I were teaching him how to cook for a date he had with Hinata and stayed back to offer directions every few minutes (so he could get "complete credit," Kiba said.)
"He's probably longing for you," Sakura mused and grabbed my arm. "Think about it, Naruto: Sasuke, alone, with no one to warm his heart--"
"I don't get it," Kiba interrupted. "You were all over Kakashi, and then Uchiha...you don't even want to call him."
I took a sip of the orange juice that Kiba had placed in my hands when I walked in. Akamaru hovered around me, his tail swishing in mild interest at my arrival. He was bigger now than I ever remembered him. "Call him and do what?" I said, moving when Akamaru came and plopped himself down at my feet. I scratched the side of his belly with my toes, and he rolled onto his back, asking for more. Everyone assumed we broke up because of some argument--I hadn't told them that Sasuke wasn't even interested in me.
"I don't know, Naruto. Why don't you invite him over for Christmas?" Kiba pulled out a chopping board, one he borrowed from me, and went about cleaning the vegetables.
"Uchihas don't celebrate Christmas, so he'll be around," Sakura enthused. "It's perfect. Invite him."
I heaved a sigh, and then, "Why are we talking about Sasuke anyways? Let's figure out your date, Kiba."
Kiba blushed but kept cutting and when I saw the size of the pieces, I took over the knife and showed him how to make thinner slices without it being too much of a hassle. Sakura and I left soon after dinner was done, offering him words of encouragement.
Around midnight, I cracked open the door to my apartment and met Kiba's goofy grin with a scowl. "What?"
"I kissed her," Kiba breathed, grinning still. I shut the door on his face, smiling in spite of myself.
*
Sakura came over a few days later, waving a piece of paper in my face and scowling about course selections at Tokyo University, why where they making such a fuss in for her last semester of her education, and how had I done it anyways?
"I wasn't a med student," I said, handing her a mug of tea. She took it gratefully. "And besides," I continued, "You're doing really well. I mean, at such a young age, med school, so quickly... Just talk to your professors. Since they love you so much, I'm sure they'll cut you some slack."
"Almost forgot," Sakura said, snapping awake. "He's coming."
"Who's coming where?"
She grinned. "Sasuke to your Christmas party. I told him if he brought one of his skank-models with him, I'd twist his nuts off, so he should be coming alone. And if you say no, I'll twist your nuts off. I know how to do it now. Medically speaking." I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another. This was Sakura, and there was nothing more dangerous than angering Sakura. So I stayed silent.
She grinned and took a sip, looking triumphant for a moment before her face contorted into something resembling pain. "Naruto..." She trailed off, and then the next minute, she was heaving into the kitchen sink. I held back her hair for her and rubbed circles on her back as she threw up, painfully retching out everything that was in her stomach. "I'm going to kill Lee," she muttered.
She excused herself without finishing our conversation, apologizing about the mess she made. I waved her off, told her to get some rest, and watched from my balcony as she drove off. I didn't want him to come, I wanted to tell her, but there had been no time, and now, I was stuck with an extra guest at my party.
*
"He's coming?" Shikamaru turned around in his seat to look at me. "Uchiha is coming to your dinner party."
I shrugged and pointed at the road when the traffic light turned green. Shikamaru dutifully turned back to the road and drove in silence the rest of the way to the tree shop. In the back seat, Kiba was playing with Akamaru, mumbling something each time Akamaru let out a yelp. We found the Christmas tree easily enough, but when it came to buying gifts, it took us the rest of the afternoon.
We parted ways at the entrance of the mall so that the surprise wouldn't be ruined. I spent hours walking around buying gifts for all the guests and then came to a screeching halt when it came time for me to buy something for Sasuke. He had everything already at his beck and call, I thought, standing a little lost in a store. He didn't need anything, so I resorted to wandering around stores hoping that something would catch my eye.
Kiba and Shikamaru met me at a Pizza Hut for lunch as we planned. Over a cup of coke, I told them I was still not done and would need more time. Shikamaru agreed to follow me around--so damn troublesome, he muttered--until I found what I was looking for. Kiba opted to browse the book store and agreed to meet us later. "Who's left?" Shikamaru said, hooking his fingers in his pockets and walking leisurely beside me.
"Sasuke."
"That explains it."
I dragged Shikamaru into another store and walked up and down the lines, praying, now, that something would stick out and make me want to buy it. When Shikamaru mentioned the time a couple of hours later, I smiled guiltily at him and shrugged. "I guess I'll buy something for him later," I said.
Shikamaru patted me on the shoulder and together, we walked down to the bookstore where Kiba promised he would be. I waited on the bottom floor while Shikamaru went and ushered Kiba out of his daze, and then, I saw it:
Beginner's Guide on How to Hold a Conversation: Ten Easy Steps. I approached it, wondering whether Sasuke would be able to catch the joke. Was I even allowed to make a joke at his expense? Cautiously, I picked it up and ran my eyes down the table of contents. It was a book that made people laugh, but there were some helpful hints that actually pertained to real life.
My eyes lingered on step three: "The Weather." I flipped open to the chapter and began reading. "Never comment on the weather." There was a paragraph break, and then, "Never ever, ever start a conversation with 'The weather is some sort of positive adjective.' That is the cardinal sin of weather-talk." Next to it was a cartoon with a man sitting next to a woman in a snow storm and saying, "So, the weather's nice."
I grinned and walked quickly to the receptionist and slid it across. "Could you actually wrap it for me as well?"
She scanned the book and was about to take it to the back room to wrap it when I stopped her and asked for a post-it and a pen. She gave it, a frown on her face. Happy now that I had found something, I scribbled down a small note: "Read this chapter," I wrote. And then added, "Carefully."
By the time Shikamaru found Kiba and dragged him out, the book was wrapped and in a small bag that I held by my side. Shikamaru glanced at it with a raised eyebrow, but didn't say anything.
*
The tree arrived at my door on Sunday afternoon, and a gruff looking man with a beard and a clipboard took my signature before leaving. I dragged the tree inside, and set it up on one side of the room and called Kiba. "It's here!"
An hour later, Kiba walked in, carrying two boxes with Akamaru and Shikamaru in tow. I took one box for him and at the foot of the tree, dumped all the decorations by Shikamaru's feet. "Oh, god," Shikamaru said, eyeing an overly colorful string of Christmas lights. Kiba and I pounced on it, and ignoring Shikamaru's protests, began to weave it around the tree. I plugged it in and the lights flickered on. "It's beautiful," I crooned with Kiba.
"I'm going blind here." Shikamaru began to collect globes and his other favorites. It was always the same with the three of us. Kiba and Shikamaru opted to spend Christmas with me instead of going home. It was too far, anyways, said Shikamaru each time I prompted him to go back home. And besides, neither of their families celebrated it officially.
"It's good for you," Kiba said, taking a mini-wreath that Shikamaru handed to him and hanging it. "I bet its emitting good chi. It'll make you less grouchy."
It took us the rest of the evening decorating it and when, finally, Shikamaru put a dog-shaped ornament on the top ("Show your love for the canine breed, Nara, come on," Kiba joked), we stepped back and considered. "Not bad," Shikamaru said. "Not bad at all."
I began to pick up the ornaments we hadn't used into the box and moved them into my room. "Now," Kiba said, rubbing his hands together, "Let's decide on the menu, Naruto. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it."
I groaned. He abused me as the resident chef at every turn he could. "I'm calling Sakura for help."
"Fine, fine. Let's go. Foodnetwork dot com, here we come."
I laughed and let Kiba push me into my room where we set up shop in front of my laptop. He browsed through each option, ooh-ing and aah-ing at each thing he saw. Shikamaru came in a few minutes later, coffee in hand. He saw a cake that Kiba was eyeing and quietly and casually--as casually I had ever seen Shikamaru do anything in my entire life--mentioned, "Ino said she'd bake a cake."
Kiba and I stilled before dissolving into laughter at Shikamaru's expression. "He's going domestic!" Kiba exclaimed. I felt another stream of laughter coming and fell onto my side on the bed, holding my stomach. In the end, after a few minutes of laughing, Shikamaru, Kiba and I decided on dinner. Kiba meticulously printed out each dish, rating them on a five-star scale for importance and appeal. "I'll help," he said. "I think Hinata likes that I can cook. Or try, at least."
Shikamaru raised his eyebrows and when Kiba growled at him, put up his hands in defense. "There's nothing wrong with going domestic, Kiba," he said, grinning. "It's in vogue, right now. Didn't you know?"
I saw a pillow fly in front of me and ducked when another one came whizzing back. Somehow, despite my trying to get away, I got pulled into the fight which ended only when Shikamaru's coffee toppled over and a thin stream snaked its way onto my desk and began to pool around my laptop.
*
"Two eggs or three?" Kiba asked, glancing up at me.
"Three," I answered distractedly, and then a second later, "Where did you get this recipe anyways? We didn't find it together, did we?"
"Online," Kiba explained, carefully cracking the eggs. "I browsed a bit once I got home, but then I came across it."
"You're ridiculous, you know that?"
I put my last minute touches on the eggnog and sprinkled nutmeg. "I can't believe you made it non-alcoholic," Kiba moaned from behind me.
"Sakura's request," I said. "Explicitly enforced by Rock Lee."
Kiba sighed, forlorn. I gave him a pitying pat on the shoulder before slipping the eggnog into the fridge. "I'll add a little more nutmeg before the party starts," I said, wiping my hands on my cooking shirt.
"Works for me. How long am I supposed to do this again?" I looked over his shoulder to check on the batter. Kiba finished the flan cake under my directions and when it came out, yellow, sleek and smelling of Spain, we both stared at each other for a second before guiltily taking a small, small bit out of the corner and tasting it.
"The Spanish people know desert," Kiba said nodding his head in approval. I grinned at him and put away the cake in the fridge. Kiba left after that to get dressed for the occassion. I slipped into my bedroom to get dressed as well, growing angry when I found myself wondering if Sasuke liked blue. Which is stupid, a voice in the back of my head whispered. Because he could care less about how you look or what you wear.
I had regained most of my weight from my bouts of long-naps, but I was still not back to my original structure. Lee had to workout for his physical therapy and I joined him once a week, which put on some definition, but still, my body was thinner than it used to be. I sighed and put on the a shirt, dark jeans, and my hippo-slippers before padding out. I was pouring out the eggnog into a punch bowl when the doorbell rang. I opened the door, grinning when I saw Sakura with a bowl of food in her hands. "Merry Christmas!"
Lee came a few seconds later, brushing off snow from his shoulders. I helped Sakura and Lee out of their jackets and hung them up in the closet. Taking Sakura's food from her and moving towards the kitchen, I threw over my shoulder, "I was getting the eggnog ready." Lee and Sakura had stopped to consider the tree. Together, they placed their presents under the tree and I watched, smiling, as Lee wound his arm around Sakura's waist.
"Oi, Romeo and Juliet," I said, making Sakura turn around and blush, "Eggnog?"
"No alcohol?" Sakura asked, coming forward.
"As per request," I said, handing her a mug. She sipped at the foam and curled her lips at the taste.
"Kiba's slightly annoyed, though," I said, handing Lee a mug as well. "He doesn't understand why people drink eggnog without alcohol in it."
"About that..." Sakura looked at Lee, a blush tinging her cheeks. "Naruto, I have news for you."
"Oh?" I watched as Sakura walked around the counter and stood next to me by the table. She hooked her arm through mine and leaned towards me.
"I'm pregnant," she whispered into my ear, and I felt my face break into a grin too wide for my face. Laughing, I hugged her, lifting her off the floor a little. "But I'm too young to be an uncle," I mumbled into her ear, and earned a slap on the arm for the comment.
"It was kind of unexpected," she said, whispering still. I let go of her and went over to Lee and shook his hand, congratulating him and watching him blush under all the sudden attention. "A father! So soon, too!"
"We're thinking on moving," Sakura said, and I moved with the two of them to the living room. "You know, find a bigger place. Another room for the baby." She pressed her palm against her stomach--still completely flat--while sitting down.
I was about to say something when the door burst open and Kiba and Shikamaru waltzed in, each carrying gifts. "So," Kiba said, putting down the gifts with a dramatic flourish, "I think you'll like my gift. It has good memories attached to it. You have no idea how long it took me to dig it up--"
"It better not be stupid," I said standing up to serve them some eggnog as well. Shikamaru put down his gifts as well and went over to sit next to Lee. I had brought out a couple more chairs and a beanbag from Kiba's house so that there would be space for everyone. I heard low murmurs, Shikamaru's sound of surprise, and by the time I came back, Kiba was staring strangely at Sakura's stomach.
"No kidding," Sakura said. "I'm pregnant."
"Congratulate her, you moron," Shikamaru said, thumping Lee on the back.
"I knew it!" Kiba stood up to take his eggnog. "I told you this would happen soon, but you two didn't believe me!"
Lee blushed. "I did," he said.
I laughed at the comment and handed Shikamaru his mug. Sakura caught on the gist of the conversation and slapped Lee lightly on the arm. "I don't want to know what you talk about at work."
"We talk about how beautiful you are," I said, sitting down. "And then we talk about how good a cook you are. And how good a med student you are..." I trailed off at Sakura's pleased giggle.
The doorbell rang again and I got up to open it. When I cracked it open, Ino strode in, her hair swinging elegantly behind her. Hinata followed, smiling slightly. "Naruto, you will not believe what I saw toda--Sakura! Lee! Congratulations!"
Sakura stood to hug Ino and Hinata followed. The three girls broke off from the rest, going into the kitchen to pet Sakura's stomach and smile fondly at her. I heard lowered, fast conversation from the kitchen and when I sat back down, Lee smiled at me. "That's been happening a lot," he said, waving at the three girls in the kitchen. "Strange ladies show up at my door to give Sakura food."
Shikamaru laughed. "The life of a married man, Lee. It has its downside."
"I don't mind that much, actually--"
Lee broke off when Ino shrieked and lunged at Sakura, pulling her into a hug. "Does that happen a lot, too?" Kiba asked, a worried look in his eyes.
"Yeah. I was scared the first few times, but you get used to it after a while."
"You thinking of moving?" Shikamaru asked. "New addition to the family, after all."
"I think so," Lee said. "Sakura and I have to start looking around, but I think we will. The baby will need some breathing room." The three women joined us again, holding eggnog in their hands.
Ino sat down next to Shikamaru, casually leaning into his side. "Are we talking about their moving--"
The doorbell rang, cutting Ino short, and everyone fell silent. Six sets of eyes landed on me, waiting for me to answer. Excusing myself, I stood up and walked over to the door. I stood still for a moment in front of the door, and behind me, Ino muttered, "He actually came..."
Heaving a sigh, I opened the door and saw Sasuke snap his head up, wearing a trench coat over his suit, peppered with snow. "I got caught up in work," he said after a pause. "I'm late." He didn't apologize for his tardiness. Then I realized that he didn't know how.
"It's--it's all right. I'm glad you could make it."
We stood staring at each other and then my eyes fell on a bag he was holding, full of gifts. I ducked my head, fighting the overwhelming disappointment that was threatening to take over. I didn't want to see him, had avoided thinking about him for so long now, and again--"Oh, invite him in already!"
Sasuke and I both started at the voice. Blushing a little, I moved aside quickly to let him come in. He came in slowly and took off his jacket, handing it to me. I hung it up, aware that he was still lingering. "Would you--" I held up my mug. "Eggnog?"
"All right." I showed him in, pointed at the tree where all the other presents were and watched him drop the bags there. I got a mug of eggnog for Sasuke and held it in my hands for a second before looking up over the counter to the gathering in the living room. Sasuke had taken a seat in what was usually Shikamaru's armchair. His elbow was resting lightly on the arm, and I saw a soft, soft curve of his lips that surprised me.
"Oi, Uchiha," Sakura said, and then leaned forward to Sasuke. "Guess what."
Sasuke entertained her. "What?"
Sakura looked irked. "Guess."
He stared at her for a few moments, eyes narrowing in consideration. "You're pregnant."
"How did you--I spent hours trying to make Lee guess correctly..." Sakura trailed off, wringing her hands in surprise. "All right. I'm pregnant."
Sasuke's smile grew a little more. "Congratulations. Lee." He nodded once in Lee's direction, and Lee grinned at him.
"How did you guess?" Ino asked, leaning lightly against Shikamaru. Sometime during the evening, his hand had come up around her shoulder.
Sasuke shrugged. "I've known Sakura since I was twelve," he explained after a pause.
Kiba, Hinata and Ino all ah-ed at once and then burst into laughter at the sound. I leaned against the table edge, watching when Sasuke's eyes suddenly shifted and rested on me. He went still for a moment, and my heartbeat slowed down--or did it speed up?
I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, the angle of his jaw--and oh god, I would have to watch him eat all tonight--and I remembered with a blush, that his hands were rough, that he had a dimples in his cheek when he smiled, that he had a few wrinkles around his eyes because he drank and smoked much too early in his life, that he had a tattoo at the nape of his neck, and that he loved his cars, loved to drive fast. And he liked sushi.
Slowly, oh so slowly, Sasuke tilted his head, and from a distance, I saw his eyes narrow. He was focused now, entirely focused. I'd kissed this man, ruined his marriage, dated him, and then broke up with him--and there he was, sitting as still as stone looking at me with unbridled curiosity.
I didn't know when the conversation came to a still but when I felt a tap on my shoulder I started and moved a step or two backwards, making the eggnog splash over the rim and onto my hand. Ino had a sly grin on her face. "The eggnog's getting warm," she said, taking it from my hand and walking back into the living room. She handed it to Sasuke with a comment under her breath that made a bit of color come to Sasuke's face, and then it vanished.
I busied myself with cleaning my hand and spent as long as I possibly could doing it, soaping my hands until there was more foam than was necessary. By the time I rinsed my hands off and dried them, my face was not as hot as it was before, and I joined everyone else in the living room.
I avoided looking at Sasuke for the rest of the evening and when dinner finally came, I waited until he had served himself and returned to his seat in the living room before going up for food for myself
*
It was ten thirty when the gift exchange began and each person had seven gifts in front of them. Everyone opened their gifts one at a time. I felt my smile widen as each gift was opened.
Kiba gave Shikamaru a shirt that said I <3 Mutts. Ironically, Shikamaru gave Kiba a No Dogs Allowed street sign. Kiba held it to his heart, shook his head sadly and made a move to throw it across the room at Shikamaru who, instead of flinching, laughed. Ino got a large pig's head that Sakura had found at a pottery store. She picked up the pig by its ears and glared at it for a second before putting it aside and leaning forward to give Sakura a hug. Hinata got a hand-made scarf (that looked more like a quilt) from Ino. She tried it on and laughed when Kiba's eyes furrowed.
Oddly enough, Sasuke gave meaningful gifts to everyone. A chess set for Shikamaru where each piece was ivory-wrought and silver-drops as eyes. The chess table was made of actual marble, and when Shikamaru ran his fingers along it with a genuinely pleased smile, I saw the light shift in Sasuke's eyes.
For Kiba, Sasuke got a small book for the sole purpose of jotting down any comics he had in mind, complete with pre-drawn comic strip boxes. Kiba balanced it in one hand, grinned at Sasuke, wondering aloud how Sasuke knew he'd like something like that. Ino got a long, silk ribbon--from Samarkand, Sasuke explained when Ino asked after its origin. Ino undid her hair and braided it with the ribbon. "Beautiful," Ino said, marveling at its quality.
Hinata got a small dagger with a silver hilt, and when she saw it, her tears welled up. "Sasuke," she said, and then letting a small tear fall, amended, "Brother." Sakura smiled softly and opened her own from Sasuke. It was an old book, still covered with dirt here and there, and when Sakura opened it with disbelieving eyes she flipped to a page where there was a pressed dandelion.
"Where did you--"
"You told me where it was. When you were in seventh grade."
Sakura sniffled. "I forgot where it was myself, but you. You remembered."
Lee opened his present and found a pair of tattered boxing gloves. "How did you--?!" He straightened, fingering them with wonderment. "These are--These are one of Tunney's! He autographed it!"
"Sakura told me you were once a boxer," Sasuke said, settling back a little more in his chair. "I thought you might like these."
"Like them?!" Lee sounded incredulous. "Like them? I love them."
I stared at the presents in my lap. Kiba gave me a sweater that we started to knit together in our second year at college but never got around to finishing. "You almost turned me gay with this," he wrote in a note. "Finish it for your boyfriend someday." I was about to put away the wrapping when a ball of yarn and needles rolled out. I laughed, throwing the ball of yarn at Kiba. "Like hell," I said, and when he grinned, repeated it.
Shikamaru gave me a ten-page booklet he made (when bored at work, he wrote) on "How Not To be Troublesome." I flipped to the centerfold and saw in big, bold letters "Do Not Fall In Love With Rich Men Who Are About To Get Married To Rich Women."
I shut it quickly and glared at him until he smiled. Ino gave me an alarm clock (so I wouldn't be late for an interview again, and please, she did her job, I just showed up tardy), Hinata gave me mittens that had a cooking cheat sheet on the back, Lee gave me a mug that said "Damn Right I Will" (I looked at him confused, and he just shrugged, saying that it reminded him of me), Sakura gave me an apron (because, she said, you look so cute with one on in my kitchen).
I paused at Sasuke's gift and glanced up to find him staring. "Open yours."
He did, smiling at each gift, and smirking at a pen from Ino that had on it "I Belong To Uchiha Sasuke. Please Return Me to Him If You Find Me Lying Around." Hinata gave Sasuke a fan that, when Sasuke opened it, became the symbol of his family. He traced its edges with a faint smile and then, looking at Hinata said a soft, "Thank you."
When he came to my gift he paused as well and stared up at me. "Oh, cut it out you two and open them at the same time." Ino smirked at me, raising her eyebrow in challenge. When I finally picked up the gift, and was about to open it, I heard Ino gasp. Sasuke had opened his present already and was reading it with a slight smirk.
"Naruto, that's--" Sakura began. Lee finished the sentence for her. "A self-help book."
"On how to hold a conversation," Kiba said, reading the cover from his perch. There was silence as everyone waited for the anger to come.
When Sasuke flipped to the page I had bookmarked, I saw his lips twitch once. He controlled it, eyes moving over the words. His lips twitched again. He pressed them down together, firm. Next to me, Sakura shifted nervously and gave me a pointed look.
Bad idea she mouthed, pointing at Sasuke. I rolled my eyes at her and turned my attention back to Sasuke. He was turning the book around to read the cartoon upright, and then, he broke out into chuckles, a soft sound that had me blushing before I could blink. I looked away and saw that the entire room was staring oddly at Sasuke. It was the first time I had heard him laugh. It probably came as a surprise to everyone else as well. "The weather," he said after he had regained his composure, "Was nice."
I stared at him, open-mouthed, and then, "It was stormy, Sasuke. It was a horrible conversation starter."
"It did its job," he countered, smirking at me.
I scoffed. "I ended up talking the entire time."
"It did its job," Sasuke repeated again, and I looked up at him, his smile--only for me--and his eyes, and thought, Gods, I'm in love. "Open yours," Sasuke prompted. I stared down at the gift in my hands and began to undo it. It was a white box, and I felt my stomach clench when I opened it. It was a conch shell, still pink, still perfectly formed, still smooth as if I just picked it up out of the water. I bought it to my ear and held it there until I heard the swish of sea. He hadn't thrown it out, as I thought.
I tightened my grip around the shell, felt its edges dig into my skin. "You kept them."
"You said it was a reminder," he said, slowly, "Of our time at the beach."
"That's so touching," Ino cooed. "You two are so cute!" Kiba and Sakura chuckled. "Don't you see, Naruto?" Ino asked, blinking at me with innocent eyes, "That's Uchiha's way of confessing his love to you." Sasuke's head snapped in my direction, mouth opening a little as if he was about to say something. I had told him in Jixi, Sasuke, I love you. It wasn't the question he was looking for, and yet, it wasn't answer enough to satisfy him.
"Well," Shikamaru said, stretching and breaking the conversation effectively. "It's late, and I have to get to work tomorrow."
I glanced at my watch. Already midnight. Ino stood and so did Hinata. "Well, she's my ride," Ino said, jabbing her thumb in Hinata's direction. Sakura and Lee stood as well, then Kiba, and, finally, Sasuke. They all left in a flurry of jackets, smiles, hugs, a few kisses, "Merry Christmas!"s, and the click of the door. When Kiba left, he hugged me, holding me close for a second. "Cheer up, will you?" He mumbled in my ear.
"I'm full of cheer, Kiba" I said, holding onto him, fighting an urge to cry. Sakura had been trying to mend what was left between me and Sasuke. In the end, it was just rubbing salt into a wound. The sarcasm didn't go well with Kiba, so I added, trying to sound more genuine, "I'm happy."
Kiba pulled back and rolled his eyes at me, disbelieving. Just as Kiba was about to leave, he caught sight of Sasuke, who was still waiting patiently. They considered each other for a second before Kiba turned and left, giving me a pointed look. I stood at the entrance, not knowing what to do with the sudden silence that everyone left in their wake. I turned to face Sasuke, still waiting. "Thank you," I said, mouth on auto-pilot. "For the gift."
Something shuttered close in Sasuke's eyes, and then, he was tugging on his shoes, pulling on his jacket with a single sweep of his arm. "Thanks for inviting me."
"I'm glad you could come," I said and rested my head against the door. Again, the waiting. I looked away and stared resolutely at my hippo slippers that I hadn't taken off for the gathering.
"Merry Christmas," he said after a while.
"Thanks. And to you too." His shoulders moved up and down before he nodded at me once, and, quickly, walked down the steps. I held the door open for a while after he had left, and then stepped outside myself. If anything: that was a good-bye.
Slowly, I rested my head against the doorsill and felt the cool touch of wood against skin, a silent reminder of my reality.
End of the Nineteenth