The bridge I crossed
The Second
The sunlight invaded the room, uninvited and unwanted. I scowled at the brightness and turned away from the window. It took me a few more minutes before I woke up completely, but by the time I wandered over to the window, I was alert. In the morning, I could finally make out what was outside. It was a peaceful setting--a park for the patients. I spotted some people moving about, others resting on a benches. I didn't know what was beyond the park, but I could guess that if I were to walk to the very edge of the park and keep walking, I would stumble into the mire and confusion of the city.
Why was I getting such a royal treatment? That too for a fever. And how expensive was this hospital, exactly, to afford so much land in Tokyo? But then again, was I in Tokyo? Shikamaru would have a heart attack if he knew what had happened so far. I was smiled, imagining his reaction, when there was a slight knock on the door. I turned, surprised, wondering if it was Shikamaru, when I saw the upper half of Orochimaru's body.
"May I come in?" His voice was just as sweet, just as warming, just as song-like as I remembered him from yesterday.
I nodded, feeling my heart take off into a wild flight, and beat as fast as it could possibly beat. Why did it have to do that? Did my pathetic excuse of a brain think that having the heart beat faster would increase my ability to successfully flirt and seduce the man? Even if it did, it wasn't working. I was just blushing faster and was descending into darker shades of red as the minutes passed by.
"Do you like the view?"
I blinked, wondering when he had walked over to stand next to me. As casually as I could, I turned away from him. "It's peaceful."
He didn't say anything for a while before offering another question. "How do you feel today?"
"Relaxed."
Orochimaru laughed at that. "That's not usually what I hear," he said after his laughter had died out and echoed in the room like a lingering note of an instrument.
"Then what do you hear?"
"Usually its 'I have stomach aches, my head hearts, I can't swallow'...complaints. Never quite what you answered me with."
I glanced at him with a smile, but then looked away quickly. Orochimaru had said he knew the Uchiha since he was twelve, and he dropped Kakashi's name in the conversation as a friend would, so--"Kakashi re-hired me."
Orochimaru nodded at that. "He told me."
"I don't know why," I said finally.
When Orochimaru sighed, I turned to face him, and found his gaze boring into my skin. "Kakashi did what he thought was best for Sasuke."
"Are they related? Brothers?"
"Oh, no, no," Orochimaru said with a slight smile. He still held my gaze, and continued. "He feels protective about Sasuke. I think," He took a pause as if he were reconsidering his decision to tell me these things, "He sees a lot of himself in Sasuke." I waited, holding my breath, still looking into Orochimaru's golden-brown eyes. "Sasuke and Kakashi have something of an father-son. A brotherly relationship. They understand each other very well. Sasuke has a bad temper, you could say. He generally doesn't like to keep a secretary for more than two or three weeks--"
I interrupted him with a question. "Then why did he ask me to work for Sasuke for five weeks if he knows that I'll be fired sooner?"
Orochimaru shrugged and we fell silent. If Kakashi was doing what he thought was best for Sasuke, hiring me was the last thing that he would want to do. But then again, what could I do? After all, I was dealing with the Uchihas. I was about to ask another question when my stomach gave out a rumble. "Does the hospital have ramen?" I asked suddenly. I couldn't eat a ramen-deprived lunch, no matter what the situation was.
Orochimaru shook his head 'no'. I must have looked disappointed because he offered, "I could have some bought in for you."
I looked up at Orochimaru, and my adoration must have showed because the doctor smiled. "But you'll have to pay since its food outside the hospital and--"
"No worries," Orochimaru said, dismissing my objections to his offer. He smiled, something playful in his gaze. "I'll pay."
I didn't object again, and I wasn't known to do so. Normally, I had to coerce Shikamaru or Kiba to pay for the ramen. I wouldn't suddenly change my habits and reject such a wonderful offer. Even if I did want to look polite in front of Orochimaru. "How can I pay you back, though?"
"I'll think of something," Orochimaru said, smirking still. I felt a blush coming when I realized that he was flirting with me. He pointedly looked down at my body, eyes landing on my tattoo. "Rebellious teenager?" My heart froze for a moment. Did he know Zabuza? Did he know Haku? Or was he just guessing--"I didn't mean to pry," Orochimaru added apologetically. I wondered if he saw the horror on my face.
I nodded with a shaky laugh of relief. "Ah--yeah--that--I just, you know--everyone was getting it and--I didn't know what I was doing then," I came to a halt in my ramble, realizing that it would be better to keep my mouth shut.
"Naruto? Are you really feeling better or did you just--"
"No! I'm feeling fine. Just a bit confused and dazed because all of what's happened," I was glad that I was able to come up with a better reason this time. "I didn't expect you to change topics so suddenly. I mean, going from ramen to my tattoo. It's just a bit confusing, that's all." Orochimaru nodded his head at that, still unconvinced.
"The nurse said that you were asleep yesterday so that she couldn't get a phone number," Orochimaru explained. "There's a phone on the table. You can call your friends and tell them that you are at Seibo Byoin* room 793. Just press 81 and then the rest of the number."
I nodded. My hand was itching to cover my tattoo from his sight, but I didn't and turned to look out the window again. "Thanks."
The silence was slightly uncomfortable, but I didn't dwell on it too long. In a few minutes, Orochimaru was out the door, saying that the ramen would be up with me soon and that I could enjoy it. He did wish me good luck with the Uchiha, and hoped to see me again sometime. Then, he was out the door, and I went over to the bed to grab the sheet and cover myself with it. The tattoo was more of a burning mark of shame than anything else. I felt foolish about working myself into so much of a panic when I could have just as easily brushed it off.
Angry still at my own stupidity, I moved to call Kiba. It rang two or three times before Kiba picked it up. "Inuzuka Kiba." His voice was crisp, the voice he used while at work, and I could sense that the day was beginning to wear out on him.
"Kiba, it's me."
"Hey, where were you? Shikamaru was worried sick! He thought you got killed or something after you took a cab!" Kiba's words came gushing out, and I was suddenly weary and longing for his presence. I was tired, sick and tired of myself. I was afraid to look at myself in the mirror because of the damn tattoo; having a stranger see it was beyond the limits of my comfort.
"I'm at the hospital--"
"Were you attacked? Raped? Harassed? Stabbed? What? Answer me, damnit!"
"Kiba, will you give me a chance to ex--"
"Who was that bastard? Damnit, Naruto! Where are you? What did he do? Which one? Is he in jail? Did he get beaten? Did someone beat me into killing him already? Is it even a he? Is it a she? You should never trust a female taxi driver!"
"I'm fine!" I said, laughing at his overly dramatic concern.
There was a moment's pause. "Shikamaru told me that it was my fault that I got you drunk. Sorry, man," Kiba's apology was sincere, and I knew he regretted it more than ever now that I was in the hospital.
"I'm at the Seibo Byoin. Meet me in my room, and I'll explain, okay?"
"What room?"
"793."
"Should I call Shikamaru?" Kiba asked. I told him no, that I would do it myself and we hung up.
When I called Shikamaru, the response was more immediate. "Nara Shikamaru." The same type of voice, only lower and more dragged out. The man was already half asleep at his desk, doing whatever it was he did as an Okinawa military defense strategist*. Maybe he had a lot of breaks, maybe he had nothing to do most of the time, but then again, this was all speculation: Shikamaru never talked about his work.
"Shikamaru," I began.
"You have some explaining to do, Naruto," his voice did not hold the urgency that Kiba's did, but by the way his words came out faster, I knew that he was worried. "I thought you were dead, man. I called the cops to search for you this morning."
"Oh." He called the cops?
"Oh, indeed. They called me saying that you were at the hospital, but I couldn't come, and every time I called in to talk to you, they told me you were asleep. And when I asked them what was wrong with you, they said they couldn't tell me because of patient confidentiality, and that I would have to come in person, sign a damned form that assures their worried little asses that I am indeed your friend and-- damn it, couldn't you at least call me instead of sleeping like an overly fed pig?"
"Um--I--"
"Could you imagine all the things I thought? You being attack-"
"Attacked, raped, harassed, stabbed, killed. Yes, Kiba told me. But it's none of that." I finished his sentence.
There was silence, and then, "I'll be there. What room?"
"793."
"Right."
"Bye."
"Bye." Shikamaru, as always, waited for me to hang up, and I did, feeling guilty now. A few minutes after I had finished talking with thim, a tall man with a pleasant face came in wearing the hallmark soft blue of a hospital employee. "Ramen?" He asked.
I nodded gratefully, said a 'thank you' and dug in the minute he left the room. Food usually cheered me up, so I consumed the ramen as if my life depended on it. And in a way, it did. I don't know what I would have done in the stifling silence until Kiba came. Eating was a distraction, and when Kiba finally did come in with a look of dread, relief and horror, I was done eating and was putting away the chopsticks in the now empty box. I took the cup of water and drank it while I watched Kiba wait nervously, looking at me with murder written all over his face.
"You. Uzumaki. Naruto. Explain. Now." He was looking at me with a hard, yet caring brown gaze, and his angular features were slightly tight. His slightly skin was pale, and I realized the shock he must have had with my sudden absence.
"Well." I paused for dramatic effect. He waited. His patience was frail, and the least bit of provocation would make him snap, so deciding not to my luck, I began. "I got fired."
"What?"
"I got fired because--I don't know. I was late, but then he could have forgiven me. And he could have at least helped me. But no, he says 'move' and then fires me. And then kissed me."
"Who?" Kiba interrupted.
"Uchiha Bastard." That was it. That would be his name from now. The Uchiha Bastard, the UB, mine to hate.
"Is that his name? I thought it was Uchiha Sasuke."
"That is his name."
"What? Uchiha Bastard. Strange name--"
"No."
"You don't think so?"
"I think so--no!" I said exasperatedly. I was getting confused again.
"Well, go on," Kiba said, also confused.
"Then, I fainted and then I admitted in the hospital. Orochimaru said that it was because I had a hangover and a fever. And I slept, and then I woke up, and he was there."
"Uchiha Bastard?"
"No! Kakashi. Well, Kakashi rehired me for five weeks with a guaranteed recommendation for grad school. But then Orochimaru said that I would be fired again in a week--"
"Right," Kiba said, trying to puzzle it all together. He furrowed his brow in thought, and came to sit next to my bed. "Who is Kakashi and who is Orochimoro?" This was said as he loosened his tie around his neck to make himself more comfortable.
"Orochimaru!"
"What ever," Kiba said off-handedly.
"No, not what ever," I said, angry now. I settled myself deeper into the blanket that was covering me and crossed my legs Indian style on the bed. "Kiba."
Kiba looked at me and his features softened drastically. "What?" He asked softly, as if speaking to a child.
"People are hiring me, firing me, re-hiring me, and re-firing me without asking." Kiba chuckled and patted me on the head his hand lingering to ruffle my hair a little. I growled and shifted away from the touch.
"That's okay. You're probably used to being worshiped wherever you go, but they can do that if they want to."
"I should have gotten an explanation at least--"
"Well, anyways, who is Kakashi? And this Orochimaru?"
"Kakashi is Sasuke's guardian...I guess. He does what he thinks is best for Sasuke. That's what Orochimaru said. And Orochimaru's my doctor here." I smiled at that, and Kiba looked at me, raising an eyebrow.
"He's sexy," I defended, almost about to add, And he's interested in me. "I can't help it!"
"Are you still feverish?" He asked, touching my forehead. "Nope. Are you on something? They got you on the good stuff last night, huh?"
"No!" My objection was rather forceful, and Kiba snapped his mouth shut with a click.
"You said something about the Uchiha Bastard kissing you...is that all that anyone did to...hurt you? Or did something else--"
"No. That was it. But...yeah," I ended lamely. What was I supposed to say? Yeah, he kissed me, Kiba, and damn it was good?
"So...do you mind re-explaining all of this in detail so I can have a better idea? And please explain. Slowly. With details."
"Kiba, you lecherous bastard," I misunderstood what he was saying, thinking that he was demanding details about the kiss.
"No, you pervert! Not like that. I just meant that you should give me details about what happened!" Kiba brought a hand to his face and rubbed at his eyelids wearily. "I was so worried," he said finally. "Don't do that again." I noticed the way his muscles collapsed onto themselves with release, the way he hunched over as he was unburdened of something very heavy. I felt sorry for all that happened, I'd never wanted to actually make them worry, and I told him as much.
Kiba accepted my apology and looked over to the table. "Ramen?" He asked. "They give out ramen in the hospital?"
"No. Orochimaru bought it for me," I explained, beaming at him. Kiba flung his heavy gaze at me, and I felt like a caught child.
"What? Mr. Sexy Doctor?"
"Yes." I didn't want to give Kiba any more details. For all I knew, he would barge into the employer's lounge and strangle Orochimaru.
"Did he try anything on you?" Kiba's demand was like all his other demands. He wanted an answer, and I was to give it to him. So I did.
"No. He's not like that," I protested. It sounded weak, as if I actually did commit a crime. "And even if he did, I could have defended myself--" There was a knock and then the door opened almost immediately, revealing Shikamaru.
"Explain," Shikamaru's anger was obvious in the way he crossed his hands over his chest. "Now." I blinked up at Shikamaru as if I was seeing him in new light. His long hair was pulled back into his usual high pony-tail and he was almost in the same condition as Kiba, with his tie loosened, and his shirt sleeves rolled up. He was tall, so it took him no more than a step and a half to reach over to the foot of the bed, lean over and demand again that I explain. And I did, watching as Kiba's eyes widened in enlightenment at the details.
"Oh," they said in unison.
"Bizarre, isn't it?" I said.
"Right. Come on, lets go home," Shikamaru said.
I looked out the window and noticed that it was no longer so bright. The day had passed already, and I hadn't even noticed. "Don't you have to sign a form?" I asked. Maybe I would see Orochimaru one last time and make up for my stupidity.
"Oh yes, I do, don't I," Shikamaru said. He looked at Kiba and dragged him up by the hand. "You can sign them with me. I'll tell you what that smart-assed nurse told me over the phone." Kiba looked over his shoulders, grinning. Once they left, I began to search for my clothes, which I found folded in a cabinet. There was another knock on the door, and then it opened. The knocking was getting to me, and this time it distracted me from buttoning my shirt.
"Will you two stop trying to act so cocky-assed and full of manners all of a sudden? You don't have to knock every time...and my fingers aren't working for some stupid--" I turned, thinking that I would face Shikamaru and Kiba, but instead encountered a rather amused Orochimaru.
"Cocky-assed?" He said. I knew he was trying to hold the laughter in. "Creative." I couldn't think of another reply. I laughed guiltily, but then stopped when Orochimaru started walking towards me. My heart started to race again. Damn what is he going to do? If Shikamaru and Kiba walked in now, I don't know what I would do to--
Orochimaru reached over and began to unbutton my shirt. He was going way too fast for me, and I was about to push his hands away when Orochimaru shook his head 'no'. He spoke in a low voice because he was so close to me. "You didn't get a concussion, but it was still a traumatic blow. You're feel heavy and slow for a while. Also," he reached forward again and undid the top button. "You buttoned your shirt wrong."
I think my heart stopped then. Why, oh why did this have to be me? I stood stiff in embarrassment as Orochimaru unbuttoned my shirt starting at the bottom. His fingers lingered by my collar before he moved them slowly down the length of my stomach to start buttoning from the bottom again, his fingers lightly touching my skin as he did so. My heart started to thunder again. Oh god help me.
Orochimaru started to button, slowly. Painstakingly. He did one, and then moved onto the next, touching me slightly as he made the transition. Halfway through, I think I must have closed my eyes against the sensation, and he must have leaned in a bit, his breath warm against my skin. "I wanted to see you again, and I thought that this might be a good time to ask..." He paused as he finished another button and moved onto the next, this time his fingers a little more obviously touching the skin on my chest. "Can I call you?" He paused and then, playfully, he added, "Payment for the ramen."
Hell yeah! I nodded, my eyes wide with disbelief. Score. Uzumaki Naruto is making incredible progress with Mr. Sexy Doctor. "Do you have my numb--"
"I can get it if I wanted to," Orochimaru was still standing close to me. I nodded again. How, I wanted to ask, but I bit my tongue thinking that if I said something, maybe even breathed the wrong way, then the moment would be dispelled. Orochimaru had almost finished buttoning my shirt by then, he was at the top, but he lingered and played with the fabric, touching me now and then. "Would you like that?" His voice was almost a whisper, but I could hear almost every single vowel he pronounced.
"Yes." I managed to whisper that much, and then I held my breath when Orochimaru leaned in, his golden gaze flickering with mischief. He took my collar and drew me in towards him, tilting my head by the chin and was about to kiss me. Oh damn he was so close to kissing me. I could almost feel his lips on mine, and then--
And then, the door burst open. I wish that Shikamaru and Kiba were cocky-assed and full of manners, but they weren't, so they assumed that they could barge in like that. I pushed Orochimaru away quickly. Orochimaru turned around to look at the intruders, and over his shoulders, I saw Kiba, his eyes wide. I looked at Orochimaru and saw that his face now looked dangerous, his eyebrows slightly furrowed and smiling slightly. There was a moment's silence, and suddenly, I felt as if I had to defend myself against something, my skin prickling with the anticipation of a fight.
"Orochimoro, right?" Kiba's words came through his clenched teeth.
"Orochimaru," Orochimaru corrected.
"What ever, just get out." Kiba walked over to me and grabbed me by the wrist. He tugged at me.
"I never knew that Naruto's friends were bodyguards in disguise," Orochimaru's words were oddly cold, and I glanced at him with surprise. I didn't like the way he sounded, and I think that my expression told him that because he immediately smoothed out any anger that he was feeling and offered, "but I am glad that he has such friends."
Kiba's jaw was still tight, and I looked at Shikamaru who was looking at me without any expression. Slowly, he shifted his gaze to Orochimaru. I saw a flicker of suspicion cross his face, but then it was gone.
"I'll leave, then," Orochimaru broke the tension that hung heavily in the air. He looked at me and added, "I'll call." If he had left without saying that, I would have known. He didn't need to reiterate the fact by saying it. Maybe he did it to spite Kiba, and it thoroughly worked because Kiba tightened his grip on me. I nodded mutely, and then Orochimaru was gone, walking past Shikamaru and nodding his head genially at my friends. I marveled at his ability to be polite at such a situation like this.
And still, there was something odd about the way he had said good bye. The silence was suffocating, and Kiba's grip was still hard on my hand. When I tugged at it a bit, Kiba let go of it forcefully as if he were getting rid of something tainted. I stared at him with disbelief, and he stared back, equaling my anger.
"Something's wrong about him. You're making a mistake." Shikamaru's voice snapped me out of my staring contest with Kiba. I didn't know what he meant, and I think I would have understood had I been smarter at that time, but I wasn't, so I scoffed.
"How do you know? You haven't talked to him! You haven't known him as long as I--"
"And how long is that, huh, Naruto?" Shikamaru walked towards me, abandoning his post by the door. "A day? A few hours, or just a few minutes?"
I opened my mouth to say something, but then realized that Shikamaru was right. I hadn't spoken to Orochimaru more than four times, and each time had only been a brief visit on his behalf, mostly so he could fulfill his duty as a doctor. "Naruto, just--what's wrong with you? You always took your time with people--I mean, come on! You took at least a year or two before you completely trusted me! And that guy is...he's not right. Something about him..." Kiba threw up his hands in resignation. "What ever, just, lets go home."
I opened my mouth again to snap out a protest, but shut it with a clack of teeth, swallowing the angry words that were crawling up my throat. I had a tendency to ruin things like that. Zabuza had called me a bridge-burner once. He told me that I was the kind of person who would walk across a bridge, and then turn around and burn it. He said that I might not burn the bridge purposefully, but I did nonetheless.
I remembered Haku, as I walked behind Shikamaru, fully dressed with my shoes making muted noises against the carpet in the hospital corridor and my suit hanging limply over my shoulder. I remembered what I did with Haku, and as if in response to that memory, I could almost feel the burn of the tattoo mark against my skin as if it were being made at that moment. I remembered how we had been, the friendship between us too intimate to distinguish with confidence whether or not we were lovers. I remembered the day, when I was stupid and sixteen, how I had turned around, and unintentionally ruined everything between us. As the elevator door closed and began the journey down with me, Shikamaru, and Kiba in it, I remembered the way Haku looked at me, full of disgust and anger. I remembered the way he turned away without saying a word, his beautiful face contorted with emotions that he had learned to control, and said "You're no longer welcome here."
*
I took heed of Shikamaru's advice, and told Kiba as much. He seemed happy that I reconsidered. The two of them stayed with me, helping clean up the apartment, taking care of me, and feeding me with ramen and Tylenol. We ate in my bedroom, me on the bed and Shikamaru and Kiba sitting cross-legged on the floor, gesturing their chopsticks to reiterate the horror and worry they had felt at my absence.
When I told Kiba and Shikamaru what I remembered of the insults I had thrown at the Uchiha Bastard, they burst out laughing and Kiba accidentally spilled all his rice over the carpet. He cleaned it up immediately, still laughing at my "prideless freak of nature" insult. "That's classic, man," Shikamaru said, still clutching at his sides. For the first time, his lazy expression was broken by his unheeded laughter. Tears were streaming down their faces as I recollected how Uchiha Bastard and I kissed accidentally.
But then Kiba began to insist that I sleep early so that I would be able to get to work on time the next day. Shikamaru was the one to leave first, repeating that he would come by in the morning and check that I was alright. I knew that it wasn't a long distance since Shikamaru, Kiba, and I lived in the same apartment building, but when I felt a gnawing sense of guilt, I told him that he didn't need to.
Shikamaru didn't reply and left, which was Nara-speak for: You're a troublesome pain in the ass. Kiba's good-bye was a little more unexpected. "When I said that you should reconsider this Orochimaru guy, I didn't mean that you shouldn't give him a chance," his words were slow, and I could sense that he was mulling over what to say before he told me his thoughts. "Just--just don't jump into bed with him too quickly. Trust me, it's not pleasant when you realize that your first with someone you actually like was a one-night stand. You should--you shouldn't throw away something like that so easily."
Kiba was the more promiscuous of the three of us, so it was strange hearing something like that from him. I nodded, unsure of how I should react to something like that. "Good. Then." He stood up abruptly. "Good luck. I won't see you in the morning. You can tell me what happened tomorrow evening. My place?"
I nodded again, still dumbfounded at his words. "Good night."
"'Night."
He left, and I didn't bother to see him our or lock the front door after him. I was too sleepy, and if anyone did come in to rob something, I doubt that I would be in any real danger. Zabuza said once that I left a legacy behind me, that I'd learned his lessons well, that I'd been good at what we did, what he made us do.
I remember him saying that as if he said it yesterday. "I'm sure you''ll be fine on your own." He was proud of himself, I knew. "I tought you how to fire a gun, didn't I?"
I hadn't replied, and I sometimes wonder if I should have, but when I opened the door and looked back at the life I was abandoning--
I saw Haku come out of the kitchen, holding a mug of tea, the smell the herbs floating pleasantly in the air. I think that in the filthy lives that the three of us led, Haku was the only one who took the pains to better it with his purity. "Good luck," Zabuza's voice came to me as I was closing the door. And just before I heard the final click behind me, I heard him call out my name, "Bridge-Burner."
End of The Second
Footnotes:
*Seibo Byoin: A hospital in Tokyo, aka International Catholic Hospitall.
*Military Defense Strategist: Something I read about in an IHT profile.
*Okinawa, Tokyo: A military base in Tokyo. Also part of the IHT profile I read.