The bridge I crossed
The Twentieth
Winter came and went, and after a while, I stopped waiting. I visited Sakura frequently, often running into Ino and Hinata. Sakura's baby grew slowly, and before I knew it, she was walking a little heavily up my steps.
In March, Kiba, Shikamaru, Hinata, Ino, and I helped Lee and Sakura move into their new house. A two-level house with three bedrooms (and when Kiba nudged Lee in the shoulder about the extra room, Lee blushed and kept moving) and two bathrooms. Sakura gave Ino and Hinata a tour of the house, smiling happily whenever either gave a compliment on her choice.
Later, Sakura watched, a hand on her stomach and a smile dancing in her eyes, as all five of us moved about the baby's room and tried to decorate it. Paint was spilled, things glued on in the wrong places, but we finished over a period of two days. At the end, all five of us, with great difficulty, signed our names in one corner of the room as a little reminder to the baby who exactly sacrificed their weekends for the sake of an aesthetically pleasing room.
"It's blue," Kiba said, wrinkling his nose.
"Yes, it is," Lee said, looking around with a grin. "He'll like it."
I looked up at the stars on the ceiling that Hinata had painted on with a dedication and precision that had Kiba staring up at her in awe. "She's my Michelangelo, I swear," he said, pulling her close to him by the waist. She blushed but placed her hand on Kiba's chest and hugged him lightly. I smiled when Kiba swooped down for a good-bye kiss. Ino and Shikamaru had already said their good-byes, and Shikamaru was already in the car. I got in the front seat next to him, sighing with contentment.
"Three and a half more months," I said through the window at Lee, "And then you'll have a bawling, drooling, pooping, small thing in that house of yours."
He laughed. "I'll welcome it into my house with open arms."
"Good," Kiba said, getting into the backseat. "Just don't expect me to babysit. Ever."
"I'll keep that in mind, Kiba," Sakura said and waved at us until we were out of sight.
I reclined my seat a little and closed my eyes. It was already night and as we approached down-town, the car lit up with all the neon signs around us. Shikamaru stalled in traffic, tapping his hand lightly on the steering wheel. "I don't think I'd mind," Kiba said, slowly, "Going domestic."
Shikamaru sighed. "Neither would I."
"I'm thinking of asking her," Kiba said after a pause. I looked through the side-mirror at him and saw a smile linger on his lips. "You know. Marry me and all."
Shikamaru turned around in his seat. "So was I," he said, amazement on his face.
"You better be referring to Ino." Kiba had a small smile, which Shikamaru responded to with a grin.
"You should do it together," I suggested casually turning to look at Shikamaru and Kiba. Shikamaru was about to say something when there was a honk. He settled back and moved the car past the traffic light.
"All right," Kiba said. "Naruto, Shikamaru, we need to go look for a ring. Rings. Same thing."
"Right." Shikamaru paused for a second--the only time I had ever seen him falter in my entire life--before adding, a little lamely, "When?"
"How about tomorrow?" Kiba said. I chuckled. He had never been so eager to go shopping before.
"Tomorrow's good."
"It's done, then," Shikamaru said. "I'll pick you two up at nine."
"Nine," I spluttered and brought my seat up again to its original position. "You never wake up that early on weekends!"
"Well." Shikamaru clamped his mouth shut, so I said, grudgingly indulging him, "Fine. Nine."
Instead of going to his apartment on the bottom floor, Shikamaru walked upstairs to my apartment and watched Kiba ascend to his own. He lingered a little around my door, and realizing his train of thought, I heaved a sigh. "She'll say yes," I reassured. "Stop worrying." He didn't look convinced. "I've seen the way she looks at you. Believe me."
When he still looked a little doubtful, I jabbed him in the shoulder. "You love-sick idiot, she'll say yes. She's in love with you."
Shikamaru took a deep breath, nodded once at me, and then climbed down the stairs to his own apartment. I watched his back disappear down the stairs, just as Sasuke's had, and thought with a pang of sadness, And so it goes.
*
The next morning, we ate breakfast in my house and then set out in Shikamaru's car to hunt for engagement rings. I ended up choosing both because of their indecisiveness. For Ino, Shikamaru couldn't choose between three so I picked one that was a simple silver band with a diamond as the center stone. On either side there were two smaller diamonds. Hinata got one of an entirely different style after Kiba pulled out seven that he didn't mind. Shikamaru slapped him on the head saying that he pulled out whatever his eyes landed on, so they both looked to me for a final decision.
I picked out a ring that was was a simple band that curved in the center, making a little wave-like design. There were two diamonds set in the crooks of that simple wave, and when I held it to Kiba he looked at me with a grin. "Perfect."
When the lady behind the counter placed them in simple boxes--black for Shikamaru and a deep, elegant blue for Kiba-- she smiled. "They're beautiful. A wonderful choice."
"Thank you," I said, watching Shikamaru and Kiba slide across their credit cards. She rang up the price, and then handed the boxes back to both of them. They both slid them into their pockets. The lady wished Shikamaru and Kiba goodbye, and then, we were heading back home. Kiba and Shikamaru ate lunch at my place, planning out the how, when, and where of their proposals, finally deciding on a restaurant that both couples had visited at different times. I pointed out that they ought to go separately and then meet later, once the girls said yes.
Kiba scowled at me. "What if she says no?"
"She won't," I said, sitting back in my armchair. "I'm a hundred percent positive. And that goes to you too, Shikamaru."
They both sighed heavily and then shook hands on the deal. In two days, a Tuesday, at the restaurant. They'd pop the question at eight, half an hour into their dinner. They went to different ends of the living room, and in low voices, asked the Ino and Hinata out for that night.
They lingered for a little while longer, Kiba pacing up and down the living room, and Shikamaru nursing his drink. I left them to their anxiety, opting instead to cook dinner. When I placed the food on the living room table, they both looked surprised but ate in nervous silence. I let them spend the night in my living room, giving Shikamaru a pillow and blanket for the couch and Kiba a sleeping bag.
When I got up, Shikamaru was already dressed and ready for work, as was Kiba, looking more awake than I had ever seen him at that time of day. "They'll say yes," I said, getting into the car.
They both sighed again. "Right."
*
On Tuesday night, Shikamaru and Kiba spent the hours before their meeting at my apartment, restless and unable to get a coherent sentence out. I sat and gave them silent company, occasionally interrupting with reassurances until the time came. I watched them walk down the steps, a little hurried and closed the door behind me. And so it goes, I told myself, settling down in front of the TV.
After flipping through all the channels, I settled for a European movie. A French movie, at that. The movie was halfway through when when the phone rang. I picked it up, hoping, irrationally, that it might be Sasuke. It was Kiba. And Shikamaru.
"Yes!" Kiba yelled into the phone. I laughed, sharing his joy. "And Shikamaru?"
"Yes!" He said again.
"Excellent! Go, go, celebrate with your bride-to-be," I chided. He stayed on the phone for a little while longer, and then finally hung up. Just before the farewell click of his phone, I heard the laughter of woman, the clinking of plates, silverware, and glass, a sound that had my stomach clench for some reason. I stared at the phone for a long time after Kiba had hung up, getting up only when the movie credits snapped me out of my reverie.
When I went to sleep that night, I dreamed of Sasuke leaning back into a chair and considering me with a tilted head, all the while with the noise of a restaurant as a background.
*
The next day, Kiba and Shikamaru were all smiles in the car. They didn't say anything, specifically, but I caught them grinning the entire drive to work. Kiba threw his arm over my shoulder as we walked up the stairs. "We should celebrate," I said, looking at him. He nodded his head enthusiastically. "How about lunch sometime next week?"
"We should invite Lee," Kiba began, "Sakura, Ino, Shikamaru, Hinata, you, me, and Uchiha."
I felt my heart still at the last name. "All right," I said, unable to say no to him at the moment. I wanted to say, He probably won't be able to come, but refrained.
At work, Kiba told everyone in the lounge and got an applause, a lot of hugs, congratulations, and a few kisses. He grinned and then, once everyone had settled down, sat at the table where Shizune, Shino, Lee, and I were seated. Shizune turned to him with a smile. "So, when's the marriage."
"No clue," he said, still smiling. "I asked her yesterday!"
Shino, Lee, and I began planning the wedding, going into details that made Kiba laugh and blush at the same time. Kiba later walked with me to Lee's space, and once inside, mentioned the celebratory lunch that we were planning. Lee immediately agreed to the idea and even chose a day--Tuesday, six days later. Kiba left with a smile and a wave. For the rest of the day, I worked through my section--fielding extra work that Tsunade sent my way--until Lee walked it at around five, saying that Sakura wanted to have me for dinner today.
We got to Lee's new house after a little bit of a drive, but when we got there, Sakura's smile washed away any weariness that I might have felt from the journey. She padded out, heavy with child now, and held out her hand for me. "Naruto!"
I hugged her around the waist from the side--she was too far into pregnancy to hug her properly--and gave her a light kiss. "How's the baby?"
"Wonderful," she said patting her stomach. "Come in, come in. You look hungry."
Lee and I set the table, letting Sakura sit down at the table for the night. It was a familiar ritual now, and we eased into conversation, the primary concern being the baby's name. "Kyoji," I suggested at the end of their argument. Lee perked up and said the name once himself.
"I like it," Sakura said.
They were silent for a moment, before Sakura took Lee's hand. "How's Kyoji sound to you?"
"Great," Lee said, smiling. "Just great."
"Kyoji it is," Sakura said. She smiled at me. "When he asks who named him, I'll say it was you."
"Fine by me," I said, smiling back. The conversation then turned to the newly engaged, and Lee mentioned the lunch plan that was due for next week.
"Oh, that's excellent!" Sakura said. "We'll all take a break from work at the same time."
I put down my chopsticks, and trying to sound as casual as possible--because god forbid Sakura got another idea in her head about me and Sasuke--asked, "Sakura, do you think you could call Sasuke for me?"
She looked surprised, but then nodded slowly. "Of course, Naruto."
"Thanks," I said, and then rose to leave. "Well, I've done my work for the day. I named your firstborn, so I have to go."
Sakura and Lee followed me to the door. When Sakura took my hand in hers, a worried expression on her face, I kissed her lightly on the cheek. "Take care, you hear?" I said.
She nodded, still looking worried, but moved back when Lee came to shake my hand. He had a similar expression on his face. I didn't wait for him to offer a ride and shooed him back inside the house when he stepped outside. "Your wife needs you more than I need a ride," I said, shutting the screen door firmly in his face. "It's a ways off, and I don't want you to make that journey so late."
He smiled, and I left, digging my hands into my pocket for the short walk from Lee's house to a local subway station. It was a cool, spring night and I tilted my head to see if I could catch any stars through all Tokyo's pollution. I had no luck, but the moon was shining brightly enough for a sliver of its light to fall through clouds. You'll get through this, I told myself, taking a deep breath. Because I'd gotten through worse, and this, too, would pass.
It didn't sound as convincing as it used to, and as I got onto a subway and sat down, I caught sight of my own reflection, looking worn--so tired, what was wrong with me? What, I wondered, had hit me so hard that I could barely pull myself back together again.
*
When Tuesday came, I made my way out of Daigaku Shinbun building with Lee and Kiba at lunch. The walk to the restaurant was short enough and along the way, Lee explained how I had finally named their firstborn for them with one single suggestion.
"I like it," Kiba said. He said it once himself. "Kyoji. It's a strong name."
The waitress at the door led us to a room when I mentioned Shikamaru's name. Sure enough, there he was with Ino, Hinata, and Sakura, deep in discussion. Sasuke was nowhere in sight. I sat down across from them, smiling. "I'm surprised that we could pull this off."
"Tell me about it," Ino said. "I mean, on a work day."
We talked for a good ten minutes, deciding on the menu, and finally, when the waitress arrived to take orders, Shikamaru launched into a long list of what everyone wanted. He had finished and was ordering drinks when there was a slight tap on the door and Sasuke walked in.
I ducked my head and took a sip of water while everyone else greeted him. "Congratulations," Sasuke said, sitting next to me, keeping a distance between us. I looked away from his face, focusing instead on my food.
Kiba and Shikamaru grinned. "Thank you."
"Order, order," Ino said, handing Sasuke a menu. He glanced through it quickly and placed his order within a few minutes.
"The wedding rings are beautiful," Sakura said, guiding Hinata's hand across the table so that Sasuke could take a better look. "Naruto chose them, apparently."
Sasuke bent over Hinata's hand and took her fingers in his. "I'm happy for you," he said finally. There was a raw sincerity in his voice that made Hinata take his hand in both hers and squeeze it. I sometimes forgot that they were cousins, however distant, but at times like this, it hit me full-force.
"All right, now admire mine," Ino said, sticking out her hand. Sasuke smirked and took her hand in his. When he didn't say anything, Ino prodded, "Well?"
"Beautiful," Sasuke said obediently, feigning absolute adoration.
"Sheesh, Uchiha," Ino mumbled, taking her hand away with mock anger. "I can't believe I had a crush on you once."
Sakura laughed. "Oh, do you remember how we competed for his attention?"
"I do," Ino said. "Oh, I do."
Hinata smiled and shyly added, "I think the hair-length competition was the best one."
"Hinata!" Sakura looked shocked, and Ino smacked her shoulder. "Don't say things like that out loud."
"What competition?" Sasuke asked, taking a sip of water.
"You once said that you liked girls with long hair," Hinata said. "I think you said it to me for some reason. Anyways, so I told Ino and Sakura. And then, well. The rest is self-explanatory."
Sakura and Ino laughed. "That was so long ago," Ino said.
"Yes, it was." Sakura's voice was soft and she was gently massaging her stomach. Her hand stilled and then, "The baby kicked again."
There was a general scurry, and finally, Ino won the scuffle and got to bend over with her ear pressed to Sakura's belly. Silence, and then, "I felt it! I felt it!"
The food arrived after that, and we ate, planning out more of the wedding details. Sasuke joined in the conversation, specifically, for Hinata's wedding. He was willing to spend half his fortune, it seemed, and when Sakura caught him on how he pampered Hinata, he turned to Hinata for a come-back. Hinata smiled back. "What are brothers for?" She asked, innocently.
"What are distant brothers who are actually fifth-cousins for, you mean?" Ino corrected with a chuckle.
"Say, Naruto," Kiba said, putting down his chopsticks. "Whose Best Man are you anyways?"
"Both," I said, one of the rare moments when I spoke during that lunch. "Because you're getting married at the same time."
Shikamaru smiled. "Works for me."
Hinata and Ino rounded on Sakura. "Sakura," Ino began, "That better apply to you too. If you decide to be Hinata's Bride's Maid over me--"
"Stop being silly," Sakura said, dismissing her with wave. "Of course not."
Lunch ended a few minutes later and Sakura pushed back her chair, getting to her feet with Lee's help. "I feel like I'm carrying the population of Japan in here," she said, rolling her shoulders.
"Just a few more months," Ino said, rubbing circles into her back. The group made its way out of the restaurant after a brief argument about who was to pay. In the end, Sasuke won, for the simple reason that he didn't have to pay immediately and we wouldn't have to wait; every restaurant in Tokyo knew him and would send a bill to the appropriate location.
I watched him rise and briefly, our gazes met. I looked away quickly, feeling something twist in my chest. When I stood up, Kiba threw his arm over me and led me out of the restaurant. We got outside and began climbing the steps to the actual opening of the plaza where the restaurant was. We crossed an expanse of gray, and ahead of me, I saw Shikamaru and Sasuke talking.
"You know, Naruto," Kiba said, his voice low, "You should make the first move. He seems a little slow on the uptake."
I chuckled and looked away from Sasuke's back. "No, he's not," I said. "He isn't interested, that's all."
Kiba scoffed. "We all see the way he looks at you," he said. "Just do something today, and if it doesn't work out, then we'll let it be."
I shook my head and kept silent when Kiba sighed heavily. Hinata, Sakura, Lee, Ino, Shikamaru, Kiba and I had to climb another set of steps to cut across a street that would lead us back to work, but Sasuke stopped at the bottom. Behind him, a car rolled to a smooth stop.
I heard a few "Bye, Sasuke"s and all the women hugged him once. Ino scowled at him and looked pointedly at me before moving away. Shikamaru, Lee, and Kiba shook his hand and reiterated that he should meet them again.
He nodded, and then watched as they began their trek up the cement steps, Sakura with her hand on the railing.
I nodded once at Sasuke, turned, and followed everyone else, thinking, Gods, just... and finding myself at a loss for what I even wanted. You should make the first move, Kiba had said, and maybe I should. Maybe it would ruin what friendship was left between us, but I was tired now, worn out from his absence in my life. I wanted him, like nothing else in my life, and I was tired--so very, very tired--of trying to forget him. Because this was Sasuke and he was etched so deeply into my life now, there was no way I could cut him out.
I paused on the steps and the rest of the group moved up a few more before Kiba realized that I was behind. Everyone paused and looked back when Kiba said, "Naruto?"
I turned around, ignoring him, and saw Sasuke was standing exactly where I had left him, looking up a little to meet my gaze. I saw something in his eyes, the waiting again, the strange waiting that he had been looking at me with all this time. Please....
I took a step down, saw that he didn't move back, and took the next one. I moved slowly and when I was about to get down the last step, I hesitated, my foot a few inches above the ground. I saw his shoulders move up and down, saw his lips part just a little, something flicker in his eye.
Deciding, I descended the last step and and closed the distance between us in two steps. I was a centimeter away from him when I saw his eyes widen, his lips part a little more, and then I took hold of his tie. It seemed strange, that the few milliseconds that it took to pull him down towards me stretched out like an eternity. I saw him mouth the first two syllables of my name, saw his lips curl, saw a small dimple appear on his right cheek, saw it all, and then, my eyes closed on themselves when his lips met mine.
His lips were soft, but when I ran a thumb over his cheek, I felt the roughness of his skin. I felt a hand cover my own and press it firmly against his cheek, and thought, I love you, but I must have whispered it out loud as well because Sasuke pulled back at that just enough to look at me squarely in the eye and breathe against my lips, "Naruto."
I angled my face closer to his, my nose brushing his cheek, and he said my name again, a little louder, as if he couldn't believe it, as if right at that instant, my name was the only thing he could even remember. It sounded nice, I thought, smiling.
"It's me breathing," I whispered, and he looked a little confused, but was content to slowly press his fingers to my cheek and run his thumb over my lips. "I couldn't tell if I was in love with you," I said, looking up at him, willing him to understand. "Or if it was me breathing and not being able to stop."
"Well," Sasuke said. He took my hand and kissed the inside of my palm, gentle, and closed his eyes against the curve of my fingers. "Naruto," he breathed again. I felt his other hand come up and rest lightly on my waist. He looked at me, his eyes flickering over my face, and I saw him strain to say something.
"What, Sasuke?"
"I..." His shoulders moved up and down, and then, giving up, he said, "Tell me what to say."
I rested our foreheads together, chuckling. One of these days, I would tell him: This is called love, Sasuke, what we feel for each other. But for now, I listened to our breathing match up after a second or two. He brought my hand up to his lips and pressed a kiss against my knuckles, the inside of my palm, the tips of my fingers. Distantly, I heard buzzing and then beeping. His cell phone.
"I have to go to a meeting," he mumbled, frowning.
"All right." I looked up and our noses touched. "I'll call this time," I said, reaching up to hold his face with my hands. His expression softened, and I saw the small, almost invisible wrinkles around his eyes, the angularity of his face, and the lingering remains of a tightness around his lips. I pushed myself up on my feet a little and kissed the corner of his lips, open-mouthed and felt his sigh on my cheek.
"Lunch tomorrow?"
"I was thinking..." I tugged at his tie, straightening the knot a little. "I was thinking dinner, and I could cook." I wanted to pick up where we left off, mend things the second-time around.
He smirked, slow and easy, something heated in his eyes. He dipped his head into the crook of my neck, playfully nuzzling the skin there. "And...breakfast?"
I pushed him away, flushing. He grinned at me, hand coming up to brush a finger over my cheek, before turning to leave, slipping into the back of his car and pointedly ignoring the open smile of his driver. I recognized the man, and waved. "Hey Natsumi."
He bowed a little, smiling still. "Master Naruto."
With a small turn, he was in the driver's seat and the car rolled off smoothly into traffic. I stood watching for a little while, trying to control the grin that on my face. When I finally turned, I met open stares from everyone else. Kiba grinned, the first to recover. "I told you."
"That was my line," Shikamaru interrupted, and motioned for me to come. "You'll be late."
Lee grinned. "Well, it's about time."
Ino, recovering a split-second later, said, "Well, I'll be damned." Hinata gave me a wide smile, and I couldn't help but smile back. Sakura held out her hand to me and when I took it, she had a gleam in her eyes. "I was starting to think maybe I'd need to intervene. You know, maybe lock you two up in a room with some melted chocolate, ice-cream--"
I glared at her until she shut up, her laughter melting into the sounds of the city. "Took you long enough, though," she said after a while.
"We're both a bit slow," I explained, walking slow enough to match her burdened pace. We walked in relative silence for the rest of the way, and when Hinata, Sakura, and Ino left in a cab, followed by Shikamaru in his car. Lee, Kiba and I walked the distance back to the office. Neither Lee nor Kiba pressed me for anything. They were just silent, and I was grateful for the space they gave me to think things over.
I'd imagined that when something like this happened, that I would be overwhelmed by a barrage of thoughts. But all I could think about was Sasuke whispering, his breath warm and dewy on my skin, Tell me what to say.
End of the Twentieth